I was chatting with a new client via email today and he made a confession. "I'm not in the best shape, and I haven't had sex in years. So please don't be disappointed if I have trouble keeping up."

Did you know that for regular folk, intercourse lasts for an average of four minutes? That's four minutes of all-out sexual activity (I'm assuming there's a good deal of foreplay preceding it, otherwise the average person's sex life is dismal indeed.) My point is that we're not designed to run a sexual marathon, and indeed there are very few people out there who would have had the chance to practice at anything more demanding. When guys feel worried that they won't be able to perform for more than a few minutes at a time, they're describing the norm, not admitting to failure.

If you're really dedicated, there are things you can do to improve your sexual stamina: among other things, be twenty-two years old, take Viagra, or work out really fucking hard. But I feel like all that effort might be missing the point...

When I go into bookings with a new client, most of our time is spent connecting with them as a person. The next biggest chunk of time is dedicated to getting physically comfortable - working out how they like to kiss, making sure they are okay with being naked and being touched, and making sure they're in the mood for more sexual contact. The portion of the booking that involves actual intercourse is much smaller than one might assume, and rightly so. It's the most intense part of the session; what we've been building up to through communication, touch and closeness. If all those previous elements weren't there, the sex would feel mechanical and impersonal.

Even when we do reach the 'climax' of the evening, it doesn't always look the way you might assume. Some guys prefer fellatio to intercourse. Some guys have trouble getting or staying hard for a whole variety of reasons (nerves, age, physical illness or disability) and for them sex is more a matter of whatever works and feels good for them even if missionary position isn't the best option. As one of my close friends likes to say, "We're a diverse bunch."

There's no one way to do things. I've written in the past about some men treating their bodies like high-performance vehicles and expecting a supercharged result every time they climb into bed with someone. I'd rather just be myself - diverse sex is just as good as (if not better than) standard missionary-style marathon fucking.

Please don't assume I'm going to judge you just because you have an average level of fitness. I've had sexytime with disabled guys and girls that lasted for well over the four-minute average (for the record it was really hot too!) So it really doesn't matter how much you can move around.  I do like to consider myself a bit of a sexual powerhouse - after all, it's my job - but even I run out of energy sometimes (usually at 12am, or if it's the day after leg day at the gym.)

What the moral to this story? We humans are a very self-critical lot. There's always something that we feel is letting us down. Let's just relax and be ourselves, I guarantee we'll have a much better time together.