As much as I feel amazed that my articles are being read world-wide, I do get the warm and fuzzies when emails come through from Hong Kong right through to Ireland with gestures of thanks and best wishes and hopes to meet one day.
It was a breezy evening in a quiet city when I met the man behind one of my lovely emails. He sat by the fireplace checking his phone as I shyly slid opposite him. As he looked up, I smiled and he in return smiled back.
"Hi, you look great!"
Blushing, I returned his hello and we began to chatter like we had already met. There wasn't a moment where there was an awkward silence, we seem to just gel like two sugar coated fruit lollies.
During dinner in a corner away from the cold, he admitted he felt quite touched by one of my articles and the interest sparked for him to email me out of curiosity but never thought we would meet so soon.
It must have meant to be, as it just so happened I was planning a tour to the same city that I mentioned I was able to meet him.
We went back to his room where there was not a moment passing not even one second that our caresses and kisses stopped. It was a seamless string of kisses and hugs, embraces both soft and tight, hard with senses of urgency. We would stop breathless for a drink or a dash to the fridge for more liquids, to the box of chocolates, both of us guessing which one the other would pick next. Collapsing in laughter as we both would get it wrong but eating it anyway.
"I hope it isn't the orange one"
We would disappear again into our cocoon of laughter as we reminisce of old times during the days of the office lunch room where the last assorted cream would always be the orange one. He could understand why my favourite would be the oval strawberry creamed goodness.
"It's the biggest one there"
As I walked around the corner back to my hotel in the freezing cold, I wondered how he felt. During our evening together, I felt confident I had made someone's life brighter and filled it with light. I smiled and remembered how I peeked through my eyelids as we kissed, to see such happiness fill a person all over.
Even if it was the first evening we had met and became intimate, the endless caress and passionate kisses that flowed non-stop, the evening of us being together as the city sprawled out from his floor to ceiling window, it all just went so effortlessly. It was as if someone had written it on the ancient scrolls foretelling the future of this event.
We were bound to meet sooner or later. This was a meeting that had to happen, as much as I touched his world and made it warm with light, he made me understand love so much more, and appreciate and value the idea of it without the barriers of status, what was deemed to be rightful love set only by society.
To appreciate and value love even when found in circumstances of much tabou. To know that's the reason the romance and love that I have found is unattainable. I then cherish and savour every minute, second, hour, every touch, caress and kiss, to when our eyes meet when we are together, and hold onto it tight.
I will never know if the unattainable will ever softly land into my world nor will I seek it or force it to be as it should I believe be as seamless as the evening date, without any force or attempt.
So for now I accept the preciousness to be able to have experiences of this unique and most amazing sense of unbelievably magical love even for just a little while than to not have felt or experienced it at all.