The masked touch
"Sex was not a matter of commitment but one of self-expression, play and exploration learning and joyful abandonment"
(Peck, 2003) - The Road Less Travelled
The pleasure of touching one another should not be underestimated. As I was making love a few weeks ago I really noticed myself indulging in just gently stroking my lovers skin. It was during this moment that I noticed I wasn't just attempting to satisfy him, (although it was evident he was feeling deep pleasure from it.) I was simply taking in the sensations of my lover, for my own self-interest, exploration and sense of desire.
Often when we venture into this inquisitive mode and begin to satiate our own curiosity, we have a tendency to metaphorically ‘step back’ and move back into what I have dubbed the ‘masked touch’. This is when we begin to disconnect from the body parts we are using to touch our lover - be they our hands, cheeks, lips, or whatever we are using to caress or feel them. This sort of disconnection can make our play less authentic, as we are not allowing ourselves to absorb our own awesome bodily sensations.
I would like to invite you, next time you’re with a lover to really indulge in touching for the sake of your own pleasure, to just allow your awareness to be in your own hands and soak it all in, simply for your own joy and inquiry.
I believe that letting your own pleasure show is the greatest gift you can give in intimacy. In enriching your own experience, you are in turn intensifying the thrill of your partner. I often find myself building to cum when my lover has totally let himself loose and is experiencing full ecstasy in me without shame or doubt.
Getting to that place is a practice like anything else worthwhile in life. You may feel awkward, vulnerable or embarrassed to look into your partners eyes, watch their face as you fuck or stroke and absorb the texture and warmth of their skin. It's ok, allow that all to show too with the knowledge that all emotion that rises always passes away. Moving through those natural feelings will give you the ability to connect in intimacy in a more authentic way - a deeper, more confident and sexy way.
Be shameless. Look at your lovers face when you make love. Run your fingers through their hair. Move into the sensations of your own breathing, explore their breath with all of your senses, listen, feel it on your skin, breathe your lover in, try it. Push your fingers into their hot wet mouth and feel into your own hands, feel your own awesome sensations. Don't do these things purely for the benefit of your partner’s pleasure; do them in playful exploration of one another, for the luxury of your own indulgence. I believe that is the key.
Peck, M. (2003). The road less travelled. London: Rider.