I’m writing this blog after some discussions with a client friend of mine, who related a great session he’d had with a lady: she was a sweet and charming girl who, when she sensed he was close to climax, suddenly let forth a torrent of dirty talk which caused his orgasm to be much more intense (and possibly sent him into shock, I’m not sure!)

He was curious about the language techniques escorts use to achieve the right mood and effects for their clients. However I’d argue that deft communication isn’t something only escorts do! I believe clients and escorts both use language to their own ends – everyone has a bit of a knack with language, even if they aren’t fully aware of it.

In the counselling profession we’re taught to make the subject feel listened to by matching their way of speaking, pace and volume and language. One can also echo their body language, for example assuming a similar posture or level of eye contact. Although you may not have considered it, this is something that all people do completely unconsciously. We copy the verbal and nonverbal cues of the person we are speaking with in order to connect.

In the bedroom this can take on a whole new dimension. Connection is so important – our need to be understood and our fear of rejection multiply a thousand times when we’re in such an intimate situation. For me, the use of language is central when making someone feel at home. I tend to match their way of speaking (as someone with a mixed background, I can comfortably switch from private-school English to Aussie slang).

What’s really interesting though is finding the verbal cues that someone needs during sex, without needing to be told. Everyone has different needs in an encounter (I don’t mean sex of course, as that’s usually a given). Finding the right words is the key to a session that feels fulfilling for the client. 

Here are some examples from my experience:

“Tell me what you like.” Taking a genuine interest in people affirms their worth. Plus, who knows what hidden desires might be ready to come out into the open, if only someone would ask?

“I love your fetish.” Being accepted and celebrated for your ‘different interests’ can be the most liberating experience ever.

“Relax, this is about you.” Especially for clients that prefer giving to others, permission to be selfish for an hour or two is wonderful.

 “Your [bodypart] is really sexy…” Whether old or young, male or female, large or small, everyone wants to feel attractive. Not in some vague emotional way but in a “God, your ass is great!” way. 

And everyone has something about them that ticks that box. In the end, communication is as much a part of sex as sex is itself…. almost everything we do or say adds to our sexual encounters. Just think: next time you send an escort an email the foreplay might already be beginning…