An Open Letter to Adventurous Couples
This is a heartfelt letter to the adventurous lovers out there: the ones I’ve played with, and the ones I’ve yet to meet.
Couples come in all shapes, sizes and genders. You may be young professionals. You may be married with kids. You might be straight or gay, trans or cis. You may be well off or working-class. You may have been living together for only a few months or occasional lovers for decades. Whatever your flavour, you have two things in common: your commitment to each other, and your desire to try something new…at some point in your relationship you’ve decided that two people isn’t enough.
You may have talked about swinging but weren’t sure how to get started. You may have thought about inviting a friend into your bedroom, but worried that it would affect the friendship. So you’ve decided to spend some of your hard-earned savings and see an escort instead.
I remember when it happened to me. I was twenty-five. My then partner and I were madly in love and we wanted to explore everything together. My boyfriend had never had a threesome, and I was determined to make it happen for him; even back then, nothing made me happier than introducing the people I care about to new experiences. It was pretty scary though! I was literally shaking as we walked to the parlour – I had picked the most expensive brothel in Sydney for our rendezvous. We arrived at the same time as a taxi-load of pro footballers, and their suggestive comments made me blush.
Even when we met the right lady I was still tongue tied and terrified that I’d do or say the wrong thing. When we were all in the bedroom together, I didn’t know how to get things started. I wasn’t sure who was in charge of safe sex, or what I was allowed to do. Luckily, the lady we chose was a complete professional. She explained everything without talking down to us. She was sexy but also took the time to look after us. By the time she left, we all felt like friends.
Now that I’m an escort I recall that experience all the time. Whenever I speak to a new couple on the phone I’m reminded of how terrifying it was to ask a stranger for sex. Every awkward pause or nervous laugh reminds me of my brave twenty-five-year-old self. So I guess what I want to say to you is, I understand how petrifying it can be to get naked in front of someone new. Allowing someone to be intimate with your partner is confronting; there’s always the risk that you’ll feel jealous. You also worry about whether you’ll be judged not attractive enough, too old or simply too inexperienced.
As a sex worker, it’s my job to shoulder some of that burden for you. By inviting a professional into your relationship you are allowing me to take charge and guide you. You no longer have to worry that you’ll do or say the wrong thing; you just need to trust me and listen to my advice.
It’s my job to make everyone feel sexy and appreciated. I will never judge you by your appearance, age or level of experience. I’m always on the look-out for your boundaries – those are the things you are and aren’t happy to do with me. If you’ve requested girl-on-girl action but no physical stuff with your boyfriend, that’s okay. If sex is okay but your partner kissing a stranger is not, then I’ll respect your wishes. And if you should suddenly discover, in the middle of your play session, that you don’t feel one-hundred-percent happy with the whole situation, then it’s my job to sit with you and have a drink and a talk until we work out what level of interaction is comfortable for you.
I sometimes find that couples feel under pressure to ‘perform’ flawlessly, as though they were in a porno. I’m telling you right now, that’s not how it works. Sex is a wonderful, unpredictably messy experience. It involves laughing, talking and playing around. It can be fast and hot or slow and curious. Everyone is different and you don’t need to be anyone but yourselves.
This is my message to you, couples. You’re adventurous. You’re brave. And you’re awesome.