Rilke wrote: "Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final."
I think about this every birthday... really if you heard my stories you know that's just my motto. Not because birthdays are terrifying, although I have a clear relationship with my own mortality t...
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Why I don't fake it
I am going to ruin the mystique a little here, which is fitting because I have never been particularly good at mystique (unless I don't like someone, then I'm suddenly the peak of mysterious). Mystique requires consistency in hiding who I am and I am too much of an oversharer for that. Some days I a...
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On going first
I learned something a long time ago that I have never been able to unlearn, which is that people will only go as deep as you go first.
This is not a theory, it is something I have watched happen hundreds of times, in my living room, across that stupid bar with the stools that hurt your back, in t...
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To my regulars, thank you x
I want to talk about the men who come back, and what they've become to me, and what that says about something I think most people get wrong about this work.
There is a man who sends me Lord of the Rings memes. Not occasionally. Regularly. With the commitment and consistency of someone who has dec...
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Why the soft sell doesn't work on me.
There is a particular kind of approach I want to talk about, because it's worth naming.
It does not arrive aggressively. It arrives, in fact, charmingly, uses the right register, compliments my writing. It deploys good penmanship, or a literary reference, or a small disclosure of vulnerability de...
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Why I bake for the people I care about
There is something about baking that I have never been able to explain to people who don't do it, which is that it is not about the food.
I mean, it is also about the food... I am French. If the food is bad, nothing else matters and the evening becomes a critique review. But the reason I bake, th...
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On gifts, and what they mean to me
I received beautiful piece of clothing this morning from a client who remembered, without me having mentioned it in weeks, that I had said, in passing, that I was trying to refresh my winter wardrobe for something elegant.
The top arrived wrapped this beautiful box with a note that said only: ha...
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On being asked the right questions
Most of the questions people ask each other are not really questions but are conversational placeholders: small pebbles you toss into the silence so that neither of you has to sit in it.
How was your weekend.
What do you do.
Where are you from.
These are not questions.
I am not against...
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The normalcy of my bookings
You will search my name at least three times.
You will read my profile twice, possibly four times, and you will still not absorb a single word because your brain is too busy having a small existential crisis about the fact that you're actually doing this.
You will open your emails, then leave th...
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You will get the energy you came with
I am going to tell you something that will sound unromantic but is possibly the most romantic thing I've ever said: I am a mirror.
Not the kind that flatters. Not the kind in hotel bathrooms with lighting so forgiving that you briefly consider a modelling career. I am the other kind: the honest k...
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Why chasing for performance creates performance anxiety.
I have joked to many men about how the first sexual interaction is similar to the first crèpe you make: meant to me imperfect, never the right texture, and slightly funny to look at.
The image that movies, novels, porn and almost every input of media has thrown in our faces for eons has always b...
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What they tell me afterward - thank you for the loving testimonies.
In the years I have been independent, men have told me I made them forget they were nervous.
That we both lost track of time so completely they thought the clock was broken.
That they came to Sydney for five days on business and changed their entire schedule to see me twice.
One man told me th...
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Is intimacy sex and is sex intimacy?
I think most people confuse sex and intimacy because it's easier than admitting they're terrified of one of them.
Sex is simple. Not easy, especially not in the context of booking a sexworker: there are logistics, bodies, awkward moments, nervousness... It remains simple and has a structure: a be...
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