'What ELSE do you do?'
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Now, I'm well aware it's commonplace for sexworkers to attend uni and/or have other jobs. That used to be me. But the day I had the freedom to go 'full time' in sexwork was a glorious day. Because I always gave a lot to this, it's so much a part of me, and it's very 'home'. But also because one of the biggest bonuses I have as a sexworker is TIME.
I stepped back from crazy modern life the day I set foot in Australia. I felt able to breathe, away from the crushing pressures of past relationships and family expectations. This clean slate was mine and I wanted to finally honour myself with the same intensity as I'd always given to others. And this requires time. Time is a currency more precious than money. And while you need money, to have the privilege of time, earning well in little bursts gives me the freedom to contemplate, to breathe, and to focus. My mother calls me leisurely, which I know is her polite term for lazy, but there's nothing slobbish or wasteful about this time that I have with myself. It's like finally getting to know that relative you always said you'd visit, and realising that actually they're pretty cool and you should have started visiting sooner. Because time is not a finite resource, and once you spend it, it's gone forever.
And it's not as if I have mountains of time. For every hour of paid work, there's several in the background. Admin, social media, blogging, grooming, cleaning, selfie taking, marketing, business planning, networking, screening, emails and texts… the list goes on. But the advantages of self employment is that while there is plenty of unpaid work to be done, you can choose when to do it. And where to do it. I'm writing this on the sunny balcony with a view of trees, the sound of birds (including my bloody annoying brush turkey) and a packet of organic corn chips and spinach and feta dip at the ready. In fact, I might just go and make a pot of chai tea as well. There's always time for tea.
I thrive so much more in this environment than I ever would or could in a yessir, nosir office environment with incessant air conditioning that dries my skin out and gives me headaches. I was not made for that life. Some of us enjoy the structure of the 9 to 5, and some of us feel suffocated.
So it's frustrating to me when I am so often faced with the 'what else do you do?' question, as if building my own business and brand from scratch is somehow not enough. I am often spoken to as if I need something 'else' to legitimise my life and my self. I respect others who use sex work as a stepping stone into another career (I once was the same, until I realised my trained trade killed my passion for the art), but sex work is well and truly enough. For me, it is my lifestyle. I wake up each day excited for what the day might bring, and I know for the majority of the working population, that simply doesn't happen. I do not respond well to interrogations about my 'exit plan', when that is not a question asked of people with more traditional career paths. And to be really quite frank with you, that sort of thing is very personal and no-one else's business. I don't feel that clients have any right to know what my life plans and emergency responses are, any more than I have a right to theirs.
So, what else do I do? I live, I love, I laugh and I cry, just like everyone else, and I also like to eat and sleep. Sometimes I yoga and gym, sometimes I write and read, I pet the local dogs and meet friends for brunch. And I treat every day as a lesson and I get through it and try to make the most of it as much as I am able. I feel blessed to be where I am, so please don't wish anything else for me, just for my happiness and success. We are all on borrowed time, and I'd ask of you, what else do YOU do, to live your fullest life?
***For more blogs and content please view my personal website***
