On a less than ideal Saturday
It was a really quiet start to the week. You can fiddle with your adverts - jiggle some pictures and rewrite the odd thing, but mostly those zero days just happen because they happen and there’s stuff all you can do about it. I’m a master of making time disappear, and so it’s not the worst thing. You have some faith it will pick up and that’s all you can do. Specials are pointless, bargain hunters are not great clients and are also never repeat clients.
A midweek soirée or two and you feel more upbeat, and even better again when come Friday, a legit, lovely sounding guy books a big ticket outcall in a lovely hotel at the weekend and you think, well there’s something to look forward to. It’s too late to request a deposit, it’s Friday and it likely won’t clear in time, and I don’t count deposits unless it’s fully cleared as they’re reversible otherwise. I don’t stress, he legitimises himself with a real name and besides, I don’t want to risk losing it by asking - newbies have a hard time trusting us. Stupid society.
I contact my friend who I’d organised a cocktail (or three) with on that evening and reschedule, because she’s not going anywhere and although a civvie, she understands the nature of the work. 'Go get him tiger!' is her reaction, no big deal. She's great.
Suddenly, of course, my phone comes to life and everyone wants that same evening, as is how this happens, but first in first served, I respect my diary, plus he’s the biggest ticket, so I have to turn away some lovely gentlemen, who sadly didn’t want an alternate time or day.
In the morning of my fun outing, I’m feeling my nails are looking a little ratty for my liking, the occasion calls for a hint of elegance, and the roots of my hair could also use fixing (whyyyy did I start going grey at 19?!), so I cancel my yoga class (my niggly thoracic spine will punish me later) and go out to glam up my nails (looking pretty as hell now, by the way) and freshen up my hair so I look the part for the nice hotel and the nice gentleman. Guys do notice these things - nail compliments happen all the time when my hands are wrapped around cock, and my hair, though high maintenance, is one of my biggest natural assets, being thick and long as it is.
I picked up on the nerves, he’s new, that’s okay. As someone who suffers from anxiety, I understand nerves. A large part of why I have this blog other than my own catharsis is to settle the nerves of new clients and assure them that I’m (mostly) just a human being with thoughts and feelings like everyone else. Humanising the sex work experience is something I find important not just for my own business but for the good of the industry as a whole. So I’m not that worried about his nerves, especially as he legitimised himself.
And as I know you have already predicted, he cancels. Nerves, ya see. Does he forget that I get nervous too? He read my blog, he knows I’m human and annoyingly soft. And yeah, I am upset, because I was looking forward to it and had arranged and rescheduled everything around it. I’m sitting here with shiny nails and fresh hair, out on the balcony by myself and thinking, shit - I really wanted to be doing something much more fun this weekend. And that money was going to be very useful - my student loan payment is due (uuuugggggh)!
I contact my friend to see if she’d still like to do cocktails tonight, but alas she has made other plans. And unfortunately, due to the discreet nature of the industry, texting back the clients I turned away before today is now no longer appropriate at this time. I’ve lost my evening - a deposit won’t make up for that.
And a deposit would not have cleared in time anyway.
And I do get frustrated when sexworkers are blamed for not taking deposits when they are let down by clients. Not only is it not possible sometimes, but it’s also completely beside the point. While I endeavour to get them when I can, even when I can or choose not to, I do expect my time to still be respected by clients. This client had the audacity to tell me that a small business should build cancellations into their fee. I am not just any small business, I am literally just one person. Many, many unpaid hours go into my work behind each paid hour, cancellations are unfortunately common, and if I were to do that, my fee would likely be in the thousands!
Everything new that is worth doing in this life, requires balls. Travel, job opportunities, dating… But you deal with it, you make the commitment and you do it. The key is to step outside of yourself and instead of concentrating on yourself, you concentrate on the other person and your obligation to them. You be the reliable, kind and understanding person that you hope that they are. And then you meet me, and realise there was never anything to be nervous about anyway. If nothing else, this is where I excel.
You could sit here and argue, well, you didn’t need to cancel your friend, and you didn’t need to get glammed up. But who has the privilege of turning away a fortnight of rent for a drink with a friend? Do we not all have bills to pay? And surely, if you’re paying someone a fortnight of rent, would you not want them to go to a degree of effort for the occasion?
I take my work seriously. I love it, but I take it seriously. And it’s high time you did too.
