Going Steady
**excerpt from my personal blog. For full post, please see my own website**
We throw around words like connection and intimacy alot, and lord knows that can be achieved, but it’s all in the realms of the bedroom and in the paid time spent together. An escort is a master of compartmentalisation. She will genuinely care for you, but also all of her clients, because that is her job - that is why she is so revered. It’s an amazing and undervalued ability, to care for, and seduce multiple clients, without romantic feelings developing. It does of course happen now and again, but it is very rare and one should never be so arrogant to think that one will be in that small percentile, and you definitely can’t force it either.
Where clients can go wrong, is when they try to force a ’special' connection where there isn’t one. Now, I know it's instilled in us from birth that we are 'special', and we all want to feel 'special', and we all in our own rights are special, but any air of entitlement has little place in the sex industry. Whether or not you receive any more of a ladies already exceptional attention than you pay for, is all down to her, and her alone. Many/most escorts do not extend 'beyond payment' courtesies, to anyone at all. I have had a few clients over the years that are in fact very special to me, but these special client relationships occurred ORGANICALLY, over a long period of time. It is always quite alarming to an escort when someone walks in expecting a ‘special’ relationship with someone off the bat, and demands more emotionally from them, without any sort of development of trust. You cannot force an escort to fall in love with you, or treat you in a special way, or to treat you like a regular when you are not one. This all has to happen over a period of time - many bookings, so she trusts that you respect boundaries, that you have a genuine care rather than an agenda, that you won’t take her for granted or exploit her kindness. If you are given any kind of special treatment, a discount, extra time, an extra service, extra communication, this should never be taken for granted or expected to be repeated. This is something unique and personal between the two of you.
I’m going to take this moment to point out too, the one downside of having a blog - is that sometimes clients can feel we have a special connection, even before we have met - because they’ve read my blog. I am always honoured that someone has taken the time to read this (silly people - get back to work!) and I am humbled by the lovely feedback, but errr, if we haven’t met, and I don’t know you from a dicky bird, then we do not have a connection. It is not an excuse for a bombardment of txts or private messages, that are not related to a booking enquiry. This is entitled behaviour and while an acknowledgement is lovely - just once is enough. An authentic connection is a two-way kind of deal that you establish with time, actually meeting in person, and you know - when I get paid lol. Please don't ever forget, that while unique, sex work is a business.
I am seeing so often, and of course have sadly experienced often, clients who begin to emotionally depend on their escort for their wellbeing. This is not healthy. Emotional loading in your client-escort relationship is unhealthy for both parties. You may expect some, very rare, emotional dumping to occur in a long, established professional relationship. I’ll admit, a couple of my very long term clients have seen me shed a tear, offered a cuddle and a glass of wine. These were people who I’d known, not for a couple of hour bookings, but for a couple of years, and who I trusted not to get a sick thrill out of seeing me open up like that. They are still friends of mine today. But when a client I have known for a short period of time, starts crying in bookings, writing me sonnets and blowing up my phone everyday, hell even writing a blog about me, I am going to ‘break up’ with him. I've even recently 'broken up' with clients who aren't even clients! When they've slid into my DMs hitting me up with their personal issues because they could relate to something I said once. Emotionally loading strangers on the internet you do not know, is bizarre and not cool. This is not healthy or usual behaviour between an escort or client. It may seem odd to some that ‘breaking up’ even occurs in the sex industry, but sadly, many regulars do end up being ‘broken up with’, when they begin to expect more of escorts than is appropriate for the type of relationship. 'Intense' clients are hugely draining on the psyche and can lead to escorts experiencing 'burnout'. Boundaries are so important for everyone involved to keep their head above water in such a unique set of circumstances we find ourselves in. Even sadder, breaking up, while often necessary, is also the point where some clients, broken hearted, turn into dangerous stalkers, is it any wonder escorts get wary with emotionally intense clients? But that’s a whole other conversation.
If you’re a gentleman who likes to see one lady regularly, that is perfectly normal, please don’t let me discourage you from that. Many long term client-escort relationships are happy, fulfilling and free of drama. I definitely enjoy mine and have a soft spot for my regular lovers, they really are the cream of the crop, because most of all, they treat me with an unwavering respect. For this to happen, you really need to approach the relationship as you would a new colleague or acquaintance. Bit by bit, allowing an organic development of rapport and trust. This will not happen straight away - you’d probably creep the hell out of your new colleague if you started texting them all the time after day one! You have to let it happen with time. Allow the escort to guide you through it, follow her lead. If she texts you little quips now and then, great! Reply - but don’t push it.
Relax, my dear clients! This will either work out, or it won’t. Forcing it one way or the other will only achieve the opposite of what you hope for. If you are being ‘broken up’ with often, take stock. Do some private reflection, enjoy your own company and take a step back. You are here to have fun, are you not? Start with your phone, some kindness, and a little faith. Oh, and just breathe.
"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."
- Dogen Zenji
