A bit of my 'story'
In today's society I see blog after blog and post after post that try to outline this industry and the impact it has on those working in it.
I'm writing this today to say how it changed me not only as Armarni but how she took risks that I as my 'straight life' self would not have. This is my reflection not every sex workers story or beginning.
I had a troubled childhood without going into too much detail I grew up early and was placed in situations many wouldn't have imagined. It was hard at the time, some parts of it still is but it made me very strong, very wise and maybe a little paranoid.
I fended for myself and was always a person who stood out and I find myself still being that way. I don't really pay attention to anyone else or follow others trends I do what I like. I have worked in various roles throughout the adult industry since I was of age. From dancer, hostess, cam work etc.
When I first began sex work I had been out of a long term toxic and violent relationship. We were best friends and should never have been in a involved longterm relationship. in honesty I had began to rely on him to hold my hand through every day situations, I spent most of my time at home when I wasn't working. I didn't drink as a adult ( still dont) and have been clubbing twice in my life, in a small town so it doesn't really count.
I wasnt a city girl, but i was definately not like anyone in my home town. I moved away with the person who I knew I should have let go of but I was scared to stand on my own again, like I had the majority of my life.
When we separated I found myself with bills to pay and all I could hear was him saying 'if we ever separate I better not find out your working in the adult industry, because it will ruin my reputation'. The light bulb lit up and Armarni with the strategically selected surname Bulkani was born. She stumbled at first and still does. I learnt the ropes and went through each new venture on my own. I am a phobia queen due to a very odd and different life.
Before this career I was scared to do literally anything. Drive on a free way, talk to strangers, go on dates, answer a call, go to a restaurant alone, check in to a hotel, catch a flight, tunnels, bridges, heights, elevators, escalators and all of those things, travel to a new city. Possibly breathe.
This job everyday I have over come parts of my fears. And those are only the relevant ones. Sure there has been a few times where I have been in difficult situations, that at the time I didn't think I would make it through. I did though, it has been a learning experience and a major thing I have learnt was how much I have my own back. How capable I am of things and I have learned to trust myself listen to my gut.
Before this industry I wasn't ready for a marriage or proper relationship because the person I had spent all those years dimmed my shine suppressed my dreams and goals. I was scared of so many things and didn't trust myself at all.
Now as a 25 year old woman I find myself more assured then ever. I find myself learning more. I finally know where I want to go with my life, who I am and what I believe in.
I have met so many different people and I have become so much more cultured and worldly. Bilingual skills is one that i have developed immensly although i have heritage I was never bilingual i just had a accent.
I have more respect for myself and my body than ever I value my time more than gold. I only give my free time to those who deserve it the most and learned to love myself. I've learned to let people who no longer serve a positive aspect in my life go, those who are not true and genuine I just let go.
I know that when the time comes for me to retire and settle down not only will my future husband have a woman with even more skills in between the sheets (I've always been pretty good now well ... I won't even go there) i know myself and although I'm still a nervous wreck sometimes I am a strong and independent woman that knows how to love her self.
I don't want to even imagine where my life would have been if I didn't take this road but I do know either of the paths I had taken besides this would have been grim and most likely ended badly.
These days I live a life reflecting 7 years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of. I'm safe in my home, I have people in my life who are valuable in character and enhance my life. I have a career I am good at that enables me to try and better other avenues of my life and save for a life I couldn't have even dreamed.
I have become a more generous and caring person because I myself have healed. I am wiser and have learned the value in hearing my own thoughts and enjoying solitude.