escort diary® of Victoria Knight: *The list can wait*
I’ve had one of those weeks where normal life keeps tapping me on the shoulder. (Ok, full disclosure - normal life has smothered me the last fortnight).
Building tech, working with tech team, testing, presenting, systems architecture, funding schemes, business models, regulations, admin, appointments, blah, blah... The domestic tasks that somehow return no matter how many times they’ve been dealt with before. Many parts of my 'civvie' profession that I genuinely care about, and a few things I have been avoiding with the sort of focus that could almost be mistaken for discipline.
This week there has been something about my sitting at my desk with a long list that has made my mind wander straight toward anything except the list.
A photo from Sydney, for example.
Black heels. Backseam stockings. A certain mood I still remember.
Not exactly the right material for a professional inbox, but very much the right material for this part of my life.
I have been thinking, whilst performing the 'normal' life tasks, about how much of adult life can end up organised around things you never quite chose properly. Not because anyone forced you. More because the expected version is always sitting there, quietly available. A central romantic relationship - for example. Shared routines. A life that can be explained quickly. The usual 'normal' neat shape.
I totally understand why that appeals. I also know - why I now chose to not live like this and have my whole life arranged around it.
That is not meant to be a dramatic announcement, nor a new thing. It is just something that has become clearer with time.
I like my own space. I like my own rhythms. I like choosing where my attention goes. I like closeness when it feels chosen, not assumed. I like affection, conversation, desire, and the odd message from a suitor that catches me at exactly the wrong moment and improves my mood immediately.
I don’t need all of that to become one conventional arrangement.
That must be part why I enjoy this outlet as much as I do.
It gives me somewhere to put the part of myself that does not belong in the normal workday. The part that gets distracted by a photograph. The part that writes something salacious when there are much more sensible things waiting. The part that likes being seen, liked, wanted, read properly, teased a little.
I don’t feel especially conflicted about that.
Some days are work, tasks, decisions, groceries, and trying to remember which message I meant to answer first.
Some days also include hot as ffff heels, and backseam stockings... and crush worthy gentlemen and champagne.. That seems reasonable enough to me.
I don’t want to make every private pleasure defend itself in court. Sometimes the answer is simple: I liked having the photoshoot. I liked the feeling. I liked the interruption. I liked my time with that man.
And after a week of normal commitments, normal winter weather, normal responsibilities, and a brain full of unfinished tabs, I am very happy to be interrupted.
So yes, I am always trying to catch up on life. In between that, I am still here.
Writing a little. Flirting a little (sometimes more than a little). Still finding small ways to make my 'ordinary' week a little less obedient.
VK x
