escort diary® of Kaliheartholistic: The Wish He’d Never Said Out Loud
There was a moment tonight that stayed with me long after he left.
We weren’t talking about anything explicit. Just circling the edges of desire. That familiar hesitation. The way so many men almost say what they want… and then pull back at the last second, as if naming it might cost them something.
I joked about Santa not being able to read minds. He laughed, but something in his body softened. And suddenly the room felt quieter. More honest.
What I’ve come to see is that the fantasy itself is rarely the hard part. It’s the permission to want it. So many men were taught that desire is dangerous. That wanting too much makes you selfish. That certain longings mean you’re weak, inappropriate, or asking for trouble. So the desire stays tucked away, circling quietly inside, growing impatient, unheard.
When he finally admitted what his body wanted, it wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t wild or outrageous. It was tender. Simple. Human. And the relief that moved through him in that moment was unmistakable. His shoulders dropped. His breath deepened. His whole system relaxed because he wasn’t abandoning himself anymore.
I often tell men they don’t need to act on every desire. They don’t need to confess it to anyone. But they do need to let themselves feel it. Desire doesn’t demand action. It asks for honesty. And when that honesty is met with safety, the body remembers how to rest.
If Santa brought anything into that room tonight, it wasn’t a fantasy.
It was permission.
And honestly… that might be the most powerful gift of all.
