Everything Butt: The Joys of Anal Play
One of the most popular requests I receive as a BDSM and kink service provider is from men who want to experience anal play. Sometimes I’m surprised that this type of play is still thought of as ‘kinky’, because it’s such a common practice, but it still seems to be riddled with taboo. I enjoy the many opportunities I get to address and normalize this type of play, and to guide people into their first positive experiences with it. Approaching anal pleasure can unlock so much erotic potential, and I’m pleased to see more and more people indulging their curiosities.Many service providers offer anal play, whether or not they identify with BDSM practice. For those who may find themselves curious about or seeking this type of play, I wanted to address a few of the barriers, misconceptions, and FAQs that come along with it.
1. Enjoyment of anal play has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
If I had a dollar for every time a request for anal play was preceded by ‘I’m strictly heterosexual, but…’ - as though heterosexuality and anal play were in contradiction to one another. This just isn’t the case - and it’s a conservative Victorian hangover to think so! An interest in anal play has no bearing whatsoever on sexual orientation. Everyone has a butt, my dears, and each and every one of them are made with the same sensory potential, which can be explored alone or with a partner of any gender. For me, a client’s interest in anal play simply suggests to me that he’s adventurous and curious about his pleasure potential, which indicates that he’ll be a fun person to session with. His orientation is completely irrelevant, and I make no presumptions about it!
2. Anal play shouldn’t be painful. It can be done slowly, carefully, and doesn’t even have to involve full penetration.
I often see people who’ve had bad experiences with anal play, in which their partner went too fast, didn’t use enough lube, or there wasn’t good enough communication to make the experience relaxing and enjoyable. I also often find that people think it’s an all-or-nothing game and expect that anal play will necessarily involve being pounded with a strap-on cock. While this can certainly be a fun and sexy way to play, most of my anal play sessions start slowly, focussing on breath, sensation, and communication. The moment I can sense that my client is ‘enduring’ or becoming tense, we take a step back (unless we’ve negotiated endurance to be part of a Dominant - submissive roleplay). So if you’ve had painful or uncomfortable experiences with anal play in the past, consider seeking a session with someone who specializes in anal play before you write it off entirely!
3. It is very possible to do anal play hygienically and safely.
In my experience, at least half of the anxiety that can accompany the subject of anal play is about hygiene, which is so easily remedied, and can also be part of the pleasure of the process of anal play. It’s true - butts aren’t always the tidiest of orifices, but this is an easy hurdle to jump. For some anal play enthusiasts, using a douche or an enema before play becomes part of the ritual, and is a signal for them to begin to relax and allow their bodies to open up. When you begin to get a sense of the pleasure anal play can offer, it begins to outweigh this hygiene anxiety. And with the use of latex or other barriers and plenty of lubricant, this type of play can be very low-risk in terms of sexual health.
4. If you’re looking for intimacy, this is a great way to find it.
The attention, awareness, and communication necessary to have a really satisfying anal play session is part of what makes it such a popular type of play. As a giver, I can definitely vouch for the connection I feel with someone receiving anal play from me, and some of the most intimate sessions I’ve had have been based around anal play. Being inside another person and feeling their pulse and their warmth can be such a engaged experience. As a service provider, the thing that makes me feel most invested in a session is the generosity of surrender of the person I’m playing with. I find that anal play can often have that effect, for a variety of reasons.And of course there’s the bit where buttsex is just good fun. It’s edgy, it’s adventurous, it can be kinky, and it fits in well with lots of fun roleplay scenarios! For many people it’s also just about approaching taboos in a way that they find arousing and fun. It’s also a way to access physical pleasure via the prostate, which is best accessed through anal penetration and can trigger so much pleasure that it’s often referred to as the ‘male g-spot’.So if you’ve found yourself feeling curious about this type of play, or know you’re ready to explore it with another person, I can highly recommend doing so with a professional who enjoys it. Whether or not you end up becoming an anal play enthusiast, at least you’ll have tried something new.