diary of male escort Lexx Soule: Questionable Kinks: The Dominant & The Submissive (Part 5)
Monogamy is not dead
This will be a short paragraph. Monogamy is not dead. Evan in a dominant, submissive dynamic. If both of you enjoy threesomes, but either pay for an escort or only let people into the bedroom for special occasions and rewards; but do not share any level of deep romantic intimacy with the third, are you monogamous, I think yes. It’s just your kink.
If you both like gangbangs and reverse gangbangs and have one a few times a year, are you still monogamous if all contact to patrons stays within the bedroom only? I think yes. It’s just your kink.
If anyone exterior to your monogamous relationship tries to breach and disrupt the relationship it is the responsibility of the partners to talk about it and act accordingly. Within a dominant submissive dynamic the dominant obviously assumes leadership and handles the problem appropriately. Should either partner breach this boundary then it is obviously cheating.
Obviously any form of swinging is polyamorous. Though if you and your partner travel to a swinging hotel/ club a few times a year for some negotiated fun then I could reason with you that you are monogamous providing all fun and contact stays at the hotel and neither of you see anyone outside of your kinky holiday. But if sexting, wife & husband swaps, private meet ups with people outside your marriage/ intimate bond are a part of your relationship than you are polyamorous.
I am not judging polyamory, swingers or people in open relationships. Just giving my insight into the hot debate that monogamy is dead, when it is not. People just need to have the conversations, sexual education, respect, self-awareness, and discipline.
Okay this all sounds hot, fun, kinky, wild, interesting. But I/ we have kids?
Great point! Because depending on their age bracket, your children should not think that shoving someone’s head down a toilet is generally a good thing to do, or that calling someone a whore is acceptable, or letting mum punch dad across the jaw is okay. How do you explain why dad didn’t have a black eye yesterday but woke up with a golf ball sized bruise this morning….. Parents have a very important role when it comes to teaching their children about sex, what sex is, and what it can be, and unfortunately in the western world not every parent has the knowledge, tools and skills to teach & talk to their children about what sex is and can be. So the idea of bringing this lifestyle into the house could be daunting and taboo. But you’re an adult and deserve to still experience life as an adult. This entire paragraph is 100% vicarious because I do not have children of my own yet, though I look forward to that challenge one day because I know that both my wives and I will still want sex when we have kids. I understand that women have hormonal changes during and post pregnancy, their perspective changes; that just means I too would have to adjust. I might have to work smarter and harder, to free up time; I have to be more considerate to their bodies & emotions – maybe I just make out with them for two minutes with no intention of sex; I understand that after they give birth their pussies are going to be out of order for a little while, and that I will have to pleasure their mind & body in the number of other ways there is to pleasure a body. Maybe this is just me, maybe I am completely wrong, maybe I have no clue what I am talking about, time will tell. Something that I have continually conferred with different parents and pondered for myself is that fact that adults who are parents need the time & space to be adults. As a parent you live for your kids, you love your kids unconditionally, you put them above yourself, which can lead to the loss of self and your relationship. Obviously with the cost of a baby sitter rising, friends and family not wanting to help, and predators being the closest people to you; it can be hard to plan alone time, date nights, to have spontaneous kinky sex. I have an empathetic view point, and look forward to those challenges should that day arrive.
If you are a couple with kids and want to explore this nuisance world of being a dominant and submissive then this is where I believe you can strengthen your bond even more as a couple. Using the swearing example previously mentioned, maybe the ten strikes for swearing are not disciplined straight away, and you as the dom just give that look to your sub that says you are in trouble later, and before bed your sub is gaging on your cock for five minutes. There doesn’t always need to be sex that follows either, though there is a higher probability that it could, your sub might thoroughly enjoy the fact that you remembered to punish them and reward you by continuing the pleasure.
If things are loud and there are curious ears that interrogate you in the morning then think of what an appropriate thing would be to say. You’re the parent not me, work out what you need to say to the age appropriate child. If you want to indulge in adult fun, then use the thing between your two ears and be an adult. Maybe the parrots take the conversation to school, again be a parent, be an adult and work it out. You are an adult, you deserve to be an adult that has fun, and you deserve to have to sex with the one(s) you love. If you can work out how to do everything else in your life, I’m sure you can work out how to integrate sex into your life. If your tribulation in life is working out how to have sex and navigate the raising of a sexually healthy child you’re doing alright. Find a good sexologist, find other parents that are also in a similar dynamic to you, do the research (a great sexual psychologist that I will link below is Esther Perel, her book mating in captivity is a phenomenal place to start for information on this paragraphs subject – the hardship of connection, intimacy and mating as you progress through different stages of a relationship).
Obviously if you are a single parent you have a few tribulations to face, and there are lot of variables account for with that scenario. If you have got yourself this far you can and will work out something for yourself.
My experience as a dominant & submissive
Unfortunately the one and only experience that I have had with a dominant submissive relationship failed. I was the dominant. And it is because of this failure that I understand what is required within the dynamic, the importance of taking things slow, the importance of open and honest communication, the importance of adequate rewards & punishments, the need to have resources like time, money, and focus. Through this experience of a long-term relationship failing, and a dominant submissive relationship also failing I see no point in dating for short term gain. I would only enter a short-term relationship if it was a dominant submissive relationship, because it at least gives some form of direction and clarity. If I was in a dominant, submissive relationship with someone I would get off on seeing them grow and become better, such is the saying always return something how you found it or in better condition.
To me the most basic, fundamental dominant & submissive relationship has core systems that make a great ‘standard’ relationship. Clarity, direction, order, understanding, open judgement free communication. As I have matured these elements of a relationship have appealed a lot more to me then hook up culture. Because at the time of writing this I am time short and not bringing in $250,000 a year, being a dominant is not on the table. And for me to submit to someone I would have to know that I could trust them as I have businesses to run, career aspirations, and would be quite picky with who gets to reward & punish me. Though maybe exploring the kink world/ community more next year is something I will look into, and maybe find myself a part time submissive.
