diary of male escort Lexx Soule: Questionable Kinks: The Dominant & The Submissive (Part 4)
This is where communication is vital. At the beginning of the relationship if you as the submissive agree that ice baths or cold showers are an acceptable punishment for being lazy and a few other things. And you only complete 25% of your weekly tasks due to being lazy, and your dom tells you to get in the tub or to only have cold showers for the following week you are too do as you’re told! Otherwise it defeats the whole purpose. Sure you might put up a little bit of a fight, “But this”, “But that”, “I don’t want to” which your dom must handle appropriately; but ultimately if you have consented to the punishment and you are just saying you don’t want to do the punishment because you don’t feel like it, you are going to create more conflict then necessary. Bring some adult intelligence to the situation and understand you were lazy and your dom is punishing you for that.
As the dominant if your submissive complains and gives you 101 bullshit excuses as to why they were lazy: There was a new season of their favourite show on Netflix; Their friend called them everyday and gossiped for 2 hours every time; They were ‘sick’; They were looking for the missing cat that has been missing in the suburb for the last 5 months; then you have a responsibility to call them out on this bullshit and enforce the order and punishment. Otherwise they will not see you as a leader and the slippery slope slowly begins to snowball.
Maybe you’re trying to clean up the filthy shit, piss, fuck, cunt, arsehole type of course language that is coming out of your submissives mouth. You might agree that when your submissive gets to ten strikes that they must gag on your cock for a five-minute blowjob. Maybe it’s time for a swirly while you plug their arsehole. This is where communication and consent must be emphasised again. Continually talking about what your hard limits are, what your boundaries are, what you consent too and what you don’t. Both of you need to understand the difference between I really don’t like that punishment – because it sucks. And if you do that this the relationship will start to dissipate. For example you as a submissive may say that if you are ever cucked the relationship is over, where another person may hate a cucking just enough that it is a great form of punishment. As a dominate if your submissive hates pain, and really hates pain, and has said that whipping or spanking is a hard no then obviously you do not use physical pain as the punishment, maybe they love watching Netflix though and so putting a ban on Netflix may be the perfect consequence for bad behaviour. You may need to change the password to prevent some sneaky indulgence.
As a dominant if your submissive does all that they have been asked, earning their reward, you best have the rewards. Otherwise they will become pissed off and lose trust in your word. We all drop the ball at times, life will sweep us away, we may forget a thing here or there, just don’t make it a habit. And so if your submissive turns to you and says, “You’re being a piece of shit! I’ve done all that you asked, I’ve been good, I’ve put in my work, now keep your end of the bargain” you best internalise all their words and rectify the situation. You said you would take them out on an amazing dinner last week, bring them home for the best tantric sex of their life and you forget the dinner and tantric sex; but have had normal sex and been out with friends for a couple drinks, your submissive has every right to be pissed off at you.
And lastly, if you are in a long-term relationship you will still need to have a date night or do activities that are not viewed as rewards, and are just time spent with each other. This is how you build a bond and grow together. Start small, start slow, communicate honestly and with intent to grow, improve and learn, and this rewards punishment system of a dominant submissive relationship can and will fulfill all involved.
Most modern-day relationships vs dom/ sub dynamic
From my own experiences there are plenty of examples where there is no leader and no one taking charge in the relationship or family. No clear rules, no clear roles and responsibilities, no growth, no learning about the other person, no leading, no directions. Just plain fuckery that makes me feel generally empathetic for a lot of couples today. I see both woman and men being let down by their counterpart.
The diversity that we have today is incredible. Women can earn more than there man and still have a good relationship. Gay people are legally allowed to marry. And at least here in the west you can usually marry and date someone of a different ethnicity without being judged too critically. But if no one takes responsibility; no one leads; there are no on-going discussions about the future or your boundaries; and no on-going discussions about the relationship; and no real date nights, the relationship will crumble. Relationships are work! Relationships are responsibility! Relationships are meant to bring joy not absorb every last morsal of energy you have left! Will it always be sunshine and rainbows, no! Will you want your partner next to you of every waking moment, probably not! Do you need your own hobbies and alone time, 100%. A lot of modern day relationships & marriage are boring; void of roles & responsibilities; low in real love; and are just a societal passage that says “You’ve made it!”. You’ve made it to the most boring, sexless, intimacy deprived 40+ years of your life, WELL DONE! I don’t know about you but a dinner date where you both sit on your phones scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, your emails, TikTok waiting for your food does not sound like a date. Sex where you ask for it every time sounds like crap. Sharing an intimate space for as little as five minutes after a good round of sex should be a bare minimum – yes of course there is exceptions, and I should not have to explain them. But unfortunately, this is the truth for so many couples and is why the divorce rates in the west are at an all time high, and why escorts will continue to have work.
When you enter into a good, healthy dominant submissive relationship all of that bullshit kind of has to go out the door. Because in order to have rewards & punishments; in order to have the kinkiest, dirtiest, perverted sex of your life; in order to exchange power; you need to start communicating more; you need to voice your frustrations and what you enjoy; you need to be seducing; you need to be adding some form of excitement; someone needs to lead; you need to respect each other. If you have a family or are in a long term/ life arrangement then you need to be planning, talking, and organising your futures – basic things that should be practiced in standard relationships. Being in a long-term relationship should mean that you are either in love or have some level of love for each other, meaning that both of you will want more than just perverted, kinky, sex. She may love being your dirty cock slut, but would probably love some cuddles and a movie once in a while. He may love the opportunity to have sex with you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week; but would probably love you just giving him a random neck massage. It’s a responsibility thing; you’re consciously thinking about how you can make your partner better, and how you can be a better partner so that you can have the sex you both desire, and receive the rewards that you worked for.
Does this example sound familiar to you?
Women: “What would you like for dinner?”
Man: “I don’t know, what do you want”
W: “I’m asking you”
M: “I’m asking you”
W: “I’m asking you”
M: “I don’t care whatever”
For five minutes.
Like fuck sake, if you have the masculine role in a standard household and you can’t choose what to eat, you are going to annoy the living shit out of the feminine. It is okay to say “I don’t care, just order whatever you want” or, “Just order whatever you think I want” but for the life of your relationship and the world, do not whine like a little bitch when food is put in front of you and ‘it is not what you wanted’, you said “order whatever”, and you received whatever say thank you and shut the fuck up. If you cannot make choices around what you are going to eat then how can you be expected to make a decision. Choices are small, decisions impact your life.
Here are two healthy and simple examples of how ordering dinner should be done.
Sub: “What do you want for dinner?”
Dom: thinks for 30 seconds because he is allowed to think.
“Indian. Coconut rice, naan bread, and butter chicken please”
Sub: “I don’t feel like Indian”
Dom: “You asked me what I want for dinner and that is what I want. Please make my order, and if you do not make a choice for yourself I will do it for you”
Sub: Orders the Indian and then also has Indian because Indian is delicious and she can’t be bothered wasting time on the thought of food.
Example 2:
Sub: “What would you like for dinner”
Dom: “I don’t care order me whatever”
Sub: Orders vegan lasagna and poke bowls
Food is delivered to the Dom
Dom: “Cheers baby girls, this looks delicious”
Again I would like to point out that this sort of communication should be the norm in a house hold but unfortunately is not. Should you as the submissive already know what you intend to order and eat say something like “I’m ordering xyz, what would you like?”
