diary of male escort Lexx Soule: Questionable Kinks: The Dominant & The Submissive (Part 3)
You can be a dominate man, and not a dominate.
Kinky sex. Dirty sex. Raw honest, deep wild desired sex.
What distinguishes a traditionally dominant man, and being a dominant with a submissive is the responsibility behind caring for the submissive. The use of rewards and punishments to encourage your submissive, and the emphases on sex. Kinky, hot, wild, untamed, perverted sex.
Additionally, like stated at the beginning of this blog, a dominant can be man or woman with a man or woman submissive.
You could be the man of the house. A good man who provides, you lead and run the household, you know how to have good sex, you’re protective etc. But if you were to tell your wife to “Come here right now and suck my cock” would she? Or better yet under the circumstances would she have too…..*Respectfully of course. IYKYK.
If your submissive has an incredible month and completes all the tasks that you have set: they go to all their hobbies; done their household chores; they have aroused, teased and pleasured you every night because of how hard you work; have you planned a reward for their good work? Did you tell them at the beginning of the month “If you hit all of your targets this month then you will receive a reward, if you slack off and succeed less then fifty percent then you will be punished”. You can get creative, kinky, dirty, and mean. But remember taking things slow in the beginning is the best policy. Do you see that slight difference in the dynamic and how the brain of both people would operate differently. You’re consciously working towards targets and goals because you know that there are rewards and punishments for both the dominant and submissive if you both succeed or fail. The kinky sex is probably the biggest part of what separates a household leader/ follower & a Dom, Sub relationship.
Now as a dominant you have the responsibility to make sure your submissive comes back to earth and understands that what you did was consensual adult fun. If you have just dunked your subs head in the toilet, plugged her arse hole with a butt plug, and pounded her while calling her horrible names; they need to know that it is all just part of the perverted kinks you share. As a submissive check in with your dominant as well, because while it is their responsibility to lead, they may have just broken a comfort zone and tried something completely new, they need to know that you do not judge them, that they are not a bad person and so forth. Eventually you will both understand each other and the check ins proceeding the days of the session may be as simple as, “Hey baby, are you feeling okay after our session the other night?” and replying appropriately. Should you try something new and hate it, communicate with your partner and think about why and what triggers made you not like it, it will help both you and your partner have a better understanding of yourselves.
But again, take it slow, really slow. Staying with the example above, if you have never been extremely kinky before maybe don’t start with the toilet bowl.
One stigma that must be cleared is that all dominant & submissives have BDSM, kinky styled sex 100% of the time. That is simply not true! Vanilla sex and sensual sex are also thoroughly enjoyed by dominant & submissive couples. You’ll probably find that you enjoy those sessions even more then previously because there will be habits that follow – like after care cuddles or discovering what your partner loves. You may have never known that your partner loves when you are on top in missionary nibbling their ear, but now that you communicate about your pleasures, you know what toppings your partner likes with their vanilla ice cream.
I believe there are 3 main things that separate a good relationship, and a HEALTHY dominant & submissive relationship. The power exchange, the use of rewards & punishments, and the wild kinky sex that you explore. And when executed well I believe those things create stronger, more fulfilling, more passionate relationships.
Rewards & Punishments
The use of rewards & punishments are to encourage certain behaviours, tasks to be completed, and sexual services to happen e.g. having your submissive man eat your pussy for five minutes every morning before leaving the bed may garner the reward of unlimited blow jobs for a day at the end of the month. Rewards and punishments need to be thought out and given appropriately. The rewards and punishments need to match the action. If you have asked your submissive to make their bed every day and they do it, do not go buy a $10,000 Chanel bag for them, give them a three-hour massage, or eat their pussy/ suck their dick for an hour. Conversely do not punish your submissive irresponsibly or out of emotion. If your submissive has worked overtime all month, has had external family commitments, and were genuinely sick for five days of the month and so was unable to complete a select few tasks then do not punish them for ‘not completing all the tasks’. You may have to analyse the tasks and the circumstances and show your submissive how they could have and should have used their time better, educating them on which tasks they should have prioritised. Make a deal/ compromise, or even let them off the hook because you have a clear understanding and emotional intelligence for the situation.
You can learn a lot about your partner through the use of rewards and punishments. Do they respond better to the highlight of a reward, or the fear of punishment? What is their love language? Do they like delayed gratification for a bigger reward, or smaller more frequent rewards? Does your punishments act as an incentive for bad behaviour or will they do exactly as they are told? You may have masochist submissive so there will be some forms of physical and mental pain that they enjoy, how long until you realise which punishment is real punishment? Cheeky submissives will not let you off the hook.
If you’re partners love language is quality time and you just keep buying them materialistic things, your rewards will start to bore and not feel like a reward. You keep buying them all these nice things but they were the best submissive they could be in order to receive eight hours of your quality time. We all live busy lives, that eight hours may have to be spread over a week; you may travel for work so that eight hours may have to be video calls. Communicate, negotiate and work it out. If your submissive is impatient, giving very small gifts as stepping rewards may keep them engaged in their tasks and goals long enough to complete them and receive the big reward they want.
As a submissive you will start to learn your dominates behaviour, and when you may need to reciprocate some love and rewards. Let’s say your dom is under the pump in life, you’re both on target and all is well but you can just see they need a little boost, you may need to work out how you can relieve that stress. It may be as simple as a blowjob or cunnilingus, or keeping all additional stress and distractions out of their mind, or evening going as far as booking something like their weekly sauna for them. You want to keep your dominate at peak condition so that they can provide for you.
Here are examples of rewards:
- A massage
- Sexual pleasure
- Body worship
- A kink they have wanted to do, or really enjoy. E.g. paying an escort for a threeway.
- Oral pleasure for an extended time
- Whatever sex they want
- An additional date that month
- One day of pampering
- One day of quality time
- Paying for their nails
- Paying for their haircut
- Writing a poem
- Giving them a day completely to their own devices
- Taking them to the movies
- Taking them to their favourite restaurant
- Taking them on a holiday
- Buying the shoes they have wanted for a couple months
Here are examples of punishments:
- Giving a blowjob or cunnilingus
- Making them attend your extended weekly family event.
- Writing lines
- A spanking or whipping
- Ice bath
- Being a slave
- Cock and ball torture
- Clitoral edging and denying an orgasm for a day
- No sex for a day or week. While you tease dress seductively.
- Made to wear latex or cross dress down to the supermarket
- Time out’s
- Being put in a cage
- Receiving a golden shower
