Are you a woman who books (or would like to book) escorts? If so, this blog is for you.

It’s easy to forget that people of all genders see sex workers. When we read about escorts in the media, or see actors pretending to be sex workers in movies and on television, the client is almost always a bloke. It’s hardly surprising that when we think of clients, we think of men.

I do it too. When I write these blogs, I’m often picturing the men in my life, clients and lovers alike. Although I try to be inclusive, I often find myself talking about the issues that relate most to male customers. 

But it’s not the whole story. Women can – and do – pay to spend time with sex workers. 

So why do women see escorts? The answer is the same as for everyone else – because they’ve decided they’re willing to pay a professional to have their needs met. Those needs could include sex, cuddling, compliments, or kink. There as many different reasons for seeing sex workers as there are people.

I’ve been an escort client too – most recently earlier this year, when I arranged to spend a couple of hours with a lovely man from Adelaide. I did it out of curiosity (and the chance to write about the experience later) and was delighted to discover that paying a professional can be remarkably liberating; a chance to plan an encounter that gave me exactly what I wanted.

If you’re a woman looking for an escort (male, female, or any gender at all) then this is for you. Below are a few of my ideas for ensuring a great booking. You might observe that most of this advice is equally applicable to all clients – often, we struggle with similar issues. Although I’m writing for the ladies, please feel free to read it over, regardless of your gender.

Escorting is just like any other service business – providers have different levels of experience and professionalism. Just like hiring a tradie, you need to check out your options and choose someone that charges fairly, treats you respectfully, and has a good reputation. 

Unlike a regular tradie, there’s an increased level of risk - an escort is going to get much, much closer to you. You need someone who really knows what they’re doing! A decent professional will respect your boundaries, communicate with you about how you’re feeling, and help reassure you if you’re nervous. These are top-level interpersonal skills; not everyone has them. Before you commit to a booking, do your homework.

This could mean reading testimonials and checking out the escort’s website. It should involve a conversation with your worker about what you need and how qualified they are to perform the specific services you want. If you’re looking for kink play, make sure they’re experienced! Likewise, if you’re recovering from past trauma or injury, choose someone who is trained in hands-on therapy, such as a sexological bodyworker. Not all professionals can provide all skills; you need to ask first.

I prefer to talk to a potential playmate in person – either on the phone or as part of a paid social date before the sexy date. It might seem like a lot of trouble, but it’s better to spend time making sure someone is right for you than waste your efforts on an unsatisfying (and expensive) appointment.

I don’t know about you, but I was raised to see sex as something that was mostly about male pleasure. When I started dating, it took years for me to get used to enjoying myself.

We often do sex the same way over and over. Have you heard of the sex escalator? It’s this common idea that heterosexual sex always follows the same script: kissing, touching, oral sex, intercourse, guy orgasms. And most of the time, getting the guy off is the ultimate aim. Once the guy cums, the sex is over.

This way of thinking means we’re often not used to receiving. No matter what gender our partners are, we sometimes feel guilty for enjoying ourselves. Even just receiving a massage or a compliment might feel uncomfortable.

But it’s worth working making an effort. As an escort client, you’re going to need to prioritise your own pleasure – that’s what you’re paying for, after all. Success isn’t just about pleasing your partner…and if you spend all your time focusing on their enjoyment, you’re going to miss out. This is the perfect opportunity to let go of the script.

When you’re paying, it’s important you get your own needs met, not just those of your professional. Allowing yourself to be spoiled is one of the best things about a professional session.

Sexual consent is the process whereby everyone agrees to what you do together in the bedroom. It applies whether you’re giving someone a hug or a head job. When spending time with an escort, it’s important to know that you’re allowed to say ‘no’ to anything…and so are they. 

We often forget about this stuff. When we’re nervous, we sometimes ‘go with the flow’ and don’t speak up, for fear of ruining the mood. This can go wrong during a regular date, where we may find ourselves doing things we don’t enjoy, because we’re not sure how to say ‘no.’ It’s especially frustrating when you’re paying – not only does it feel uncomfortable, you’re also throwing your money away on something that isn’t right for you.

A good escort will ask what you’re looking for and be respectful of your boundaries. They will also respect your ‘no’ regardless of the circumstances.

You can say no to anything. Just because you’ve booked an escort doesn’t mean sex is mandatory! Just because you’ve started having sex with them doesn’t mean you have to keep going. And if you’re interested in a particular type of sex, or you like things done a certain way, you’re allowed to ask.

But remember that your escort has a right to say ‘no’ too. Although you’re paying, their wellbeing is still important. 

I like to ask, “How does that feel?” at intervals during sex; it gives my partners an opportunity to let me know if there’s anything that’s not working for them. If they look uncomfortable or don’t answer, I stop and question them further before we continue. 

It’s everyone’s job to do consent. Your escort should check in with you regularly, and you should also be checking with your escort to make sure they’re happy and comfortable.

I hope this article has helped you feel more confident about booking and seeing escorts. As a client, my escort experiences have been rewarding, and I’d love for you to be similarly successful. With these strategies to hand, I hope you have some incredible adventures.