The One That Was Left Behind (Part 3)
The reason the paragraph above had to be mentioned is because it adds valuable context to my experience. When I used to live at my parents house the leech and I had our good days, we did somethings together, we hung around the same friendship group for a while (different to the group mentioned previously), and at times I thought they were a cool sibling. Though the bad outweighs the good like an elephant to a tiger. Never was it their fault, and constantly mother was encouraging the toxicity “you should know better Lexx”, “Leave them alone Lexx”, “Just ignore them Lexx”, “You need to grow up Lexx”. This sibling is nine years older than me.
When I moved out things only got worse. Being young, dumb, and just having fun at my new share house accommodation I rarely contacted the place I once called home. When I would visit after work, if mum was not home I was hit with the “Why are you here?”, “Mum didn’t say you were visiting?”, “You have to tell us when you are visiting”, even getting a “Mum doesn’t want you here” on a couple occasions, with a range of other things from the thirty-five year that needs a diaper. “No I don’t, I grew up here. I’ll come and go as I please” boil the kettle and have a cup of tea ready for my mother by the time she would be home in ten minutes. These interrogations became threats, and on a few occasions became minor physicality’s; leading to the same old thing “Not their fault”, “You should not have done xyz”, “Grow up”, “You should know better”.
There was this one time that my girlfriend at the time went to my mothers house to get her hair done (mum was an ex hairdresser). Let’s just say that was the second worst experience that girlfriend had with my family. The first being my twenty first birthday. Mum was a good hairdresser but when our thirty-five-year-old toddler needs his real infinite taken care of due to lack of…. Well……. Anything. Your hair turns rusty orange, and you’re included in babysitting duties.
I have said some very colourful things to my mother, things that only exacerbated the declining relationship. But after being the messenger and seeing your parent abandon another sibling, after seeing a clear distinction of unjust behaviour, after experiencing levels of abuse – sibling not parents, though some may view the statements above as mental abuse from the mother; and after being told some of the things I was told; you stop putting up with crap and speak your mind. After the very last incident that led to me legally never being allowed to walk on the premise I once called home without asking for permission from the leech. I walked away and I stopped speaking to mother.
Why can’t dad just kick him out of the house?
Well, part of me doesn’t know why. But from a mature ‘insider’ perspective the situation is complicated due to every metric of the entire situation. You have finances, parental responsibilities, and a range of other things. He works away so seeing a dropkick live in his house everyday is ‘no problem’ of his. Years ago, we had a huge argument about the situation that led to us not speaking for about six to twelve months.
The rekindle
There is so much that will remain unsaid, there are things that have happened, things that can’t be unseen, or unheard, but if you’re someone from a similar situation or been in a similar situation you just get it.
After years of conversations and therapy for different things everyone around me – including the ‘OG’ abandoned sibling; told me to try rekindling with mother, reach out to her, unblock her phone and call her. My answer was always the same, “Why do I want to associate with someone who is going to tolerate that crap, and not even move past the past with her other child”. “But she’s your mum”, “She still loves you”, “She might have changed”, but eventually the support system had no answers when I would respond with, “Why do I want to associate with someone who will treat me like that and let themselves be treated like that”. It’s commonly said that if someone does not add value to your life or is dragging you down to get rid of them, and it is true. It is also said amongst a lot of people sometimes need to let go with your and their wrong doings to move forward, never forget, forgive the past and reach out, because people do change. You wouldn’t know to the full extent but look at me for an example of how people change. Plenty of people change.
So I did. I reached out via email and updated her on my life before we organised to meet for a walk, tea & coffee. It was great, we had great conversations. Good spirits. Though I knew that there were questions I needed answers too, and conversations that needed to be had. I was going to wait a little while longer, or just bring the questions up in person, but she wanted to bring someone along to the next meet which meant I had to inform her the direction I intended to take the conversation and would rather that person not be there.
Her schedule went from being available 3, 4 days that week to busy for the next couple months instantly. The very next email. Gone.
There were emails that I proceeded to send, a couple garnered a few word responses. But that was it. Gone. Goodbye.
Have not heard from her since. Have no intentions of ever seeing her again. Have not shed one tear. Speaking with my old man the house situation has only become worse.
She knows what I do, I told my family within the first month of me starting this career. I ponder if she has ever looked at my informative blogs or taken a surreptitious interest in this life I have. I hope she has not read any of my erotica. I will throw up – please never ask me to call you mummy, mumma, and never call me daddy. I do use the phrase ‘Sexy Mumma’ but I try to be tasteful, I am comfortable with you referring to yourself as ‘A Sexy Mumma’.
Should my mother be reading this, I wonder how she sleeps at night, good, happy, healthy. And if she is reading this, I actually fear for her, she has put herself into the worst possible scenario. I ponder if the narcissist sibling has snooped my profiles and blogs, wouldn’t surprise me, he has enough time on his hands and he mostly definitely would know what I do. And if he is reading this, well this might be the end of the fuse for that ticking time bomb.
But why Lexx? Why did you just open up about a part of your life that so many people would never dare to publicly bring to their business?
Being abandoned, and the feeling of being abandoned is quite prominent in today’s society. Each case is different, each has a different storyline. Sometimes it is the grand child that is neglected by the grand parent, sometimes it is the child & their parent, sometimes it is the Grandparent that is abandoned by their spoilt children, sometimes it’s the friend who doesn’t ‘fit in’ to the group and is slowly pushed to the side.
As an escort & client how do you build a long standing relationship with someone if you don’t discuss your life. Mature people know that an escort & client agreement is a form of relationship. Just as you have a relationship with your friend, colleague, and neighbour. Escort & client is a personal business relationship. I’m still quite a young man for this industry and may be wrong with what I am saying here, so if any successful, full time male professionals are reading this and have some advice that they would like to share I’m all ears.
How do you have a 5+ year relationship with a client that you travel with, go to dinner with, build trust, explore, without sharing your own stories. Maybe I’m wrong again by saying, “I understand how that might make you feel” will only get you so far, without your own experiences to comfort people with. You don’t take the attention away from the experience they are sharing with you, you add value to it. Yes, I am aware that a large portion of clients just want their sexual/ intimate moment, transaction done, see you again soon. Awesome, that is fine and easy to mentally, physically & spiritually facilitate too. And it will bring me joy when & if a client says “this is the last goodbye” – though like discussed in the blog ‘Why You Should Never Be Embarrassed To Hire An Escort’ you have no obligation to say goodbye, just delete my number and never speak me to again. I’m use to it by now . I also understand there are women who pay escorts long term rather than committing to a formal relationship.
There are a lot of things that I won’t talk about with clients. You might ask a question about this blog that you are reading, and I will respectfully not answer that question. The relationship dynamic that I aspire to have; the most you’ll get from me is that I want 2 wives, I want kids, and I want a home. While there are some common hallmarks of a great relationship, successful relationships are subjective. You have Dom/ Sub, Monogamy, Polygamy, A-sexual, prenups, marriage through the government, religion etc. I like talking about relationships from a general perspective while respecting each relationship individually.
Speaking with other providers there are clients who seem to think that we as escorts are looking for love through this work, and unfortunately that is generally not the case. I say generally because maybe some are, I’m certainly not. Lexx Soule is only a percentage of who I am, the very best percentage of who I am. As an escort my intention is NOT to find love and I do NOT intend to bring you into my personal life. My intention is to bring you something that is missing from this entire world. Genuinely good human connection. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I am a good shot of whiskey with cinnamon spice. To add a little enigmatic energy to the closing of this blog, I have seen the back of one of my wives legs, all other information will stay surreptitious.
