The One That Was Left Behind (Part 1)
*Disclaimer, some readers may find the contents in this blog confronting.
Before talking to you about my experience of abandonment from both friends and family I would like to discuss why & how people who experience mental difficulties, have mental diagnostics, or work through their trauma CAN make great service providers to those who use the services.
Workers within this industry tend to get a bad reputation, with the mental health umbrella being associated to all of us. And while yes a lot of people with in this industry are managing some form of negative mental health past or present, not everyone who works within this industry has a poor mental health that they are managing. As an escort we provide one on one services to people we have never previously met, we are paid to create a fantasy and be the person that the client wants. Some of these clients have their own trauma, poor mental health, and are lonely. For these reasons I personally believe having experienced trauma to a degree or having experienced periods of poor mental health can aid escorts be good at their job, due to their ability to have an empathy or even sympathy for others. Allowing us to establish affinities on a deeper level. Do not mistake empathy or sympathy for meek emotions, because while people of negative experiences may have more compassion, we tend to have thicker skin too.
Should you have followed people in the industry and done so for a while you will constantly here people bringing up negative experiences with clients, or other industry insiders; experiences and scenarios that add additional difficulty to their mental state of mind. While most providers learn to settle the nerves through industry experience; we all still experience anxiety when we are meeting our clients. Who are you, how are you going to treat us, are you going to rip me off, do I look okay, will you be on time, will you show up, is this a prank, what do I do if…… happens, will you blackmail us; in some Australian states the threat of you being a police officer about to arrest us is real, am I about to be on the next Netflix psycho killer documentary and turned to stew, and a range of other thoughts. Clients probably have similar thoughts. Will they blackmail me, will they steal my money, do they do regular STI screenings, will he be good in bed, will she be good in bed, will they treat me like a human or just a monetised object, what happens if the condom breaks, am I about to be abducted etc. Anxiety is a normal part of day-to-day life for EVERYONE in ANY OCCUPATION – the endless to do list, the work you are behind in, the work you want to stay on top of, your partners doctors appointment, your doctors appointment, the seedy looking guy on the bus, the most hypocritical girl you work with for 8 hours a day, the traffic, if you provide for a family how will you care for them throughout the week, your nagging boss, your kids footy game, the new puppy that you left inside with a couch. The list goes on and ranges from one extreme to the next.
What is bad about uncontrolled and poorly managed anxiety is that it can lead to irrational behaviours, irrational thoughts, panic attacks, and poor choices. For people who have past or present mental difficulties, these poorly managed anxieties can trigger a range of different responses that can affect your life in a negative way – short term and sometimes long term. Maybe you give up on quitting cigarettes and just buy a packet, maybe you cancel all bookings for a week, maybe you indulge in all your vices and lose all your money, or maybe you just curl up in ball on your couch thinking about how ‘shit’ your life is. The snowballing affect exacerbates into the long term.
So if trying to create positive experiences for other people leads to potential poor mental states for us, why do people with mental difficulties outside of anxiety still work as sexual providers? If it is a ‘snake eating it’s own tale’ situation why do we not prohibition the industry and make a stand saying that this industry needs to stop?
The truth is that while some snakes may be eating their own tale, for others this work becomes the realisation to stop eating our own tales. As is the case for me. Had I had not become an escort I ponder whether I would be the man I am today.
Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world. Sex, intimacy, genuine human to human connection will always be valued and desired. SEX. THE ENTIRE SUBJECT OF SEX. Is a fundamental component of human nature. Taking prostitution out of civilisation is impossible. All that can be done is management to provide a professional and safe space for the adult experience. When someone learns to manage their negative mental experiences there is the possibility of developing a greater compassion for other peoples’ experiences and tribulations. They can develop a greater depth of empathy and sympathy for what people have or are going through, with a greater acceptance for the experience of being human.
A couple great examples from movies of how negative experiences CAN make someone be more compassionate are, ‘The Blind Side’ a black boy who despite growing up with no real home, hung around with thugs, and in bad neighbour hoods, matures into a protective kind-hearted, family man. In the movie ‘Spilt’ towards the end of the film when ‘the beast’ is about to break through the bars and kill the girls he abducted, he sees the scars on one of the girl’s bodies from self-harm and leaves them all alone because he has an affinity for that emotion.
Secondly there is an extremely important need for sex workers – good escorts in particular. I will get some hate for this, and please understand I am not trying to put the line of work down, or cause a feud, but we do not NEED copious amounts of pornstars. Without proper sexual education the negative effects of free, easily accessible porn can be detrimental. One on one connection with another person, having physical touch from another person, interacting with another person physically does so much more psychologically, spiritually and physically then batting yourself off or finger bashing yourself to an artificial movie. This in part is why I say that if you are not an escort for the love of people please fuck off. Right now in the world there are a lot of lonely individuals, people with their own mental difficulties, families breaking apart, and relationships becoming a dismal bore. There are sexless marriages, women who haven’t experienced the big O, men who haven’t been genuinely touched and held for years, a lack of understanding for others, horrible communication, a poor education of what SEX is, and – excuse my French; a fuck tone of know it all’s with no respect for another opinion or view.
While you do not need to get along with every single person you service, or be a yes man; you do have to generally like people and people to people interactions. Otherwise you’ve entered a career that you are going to hate and complain about every time you finish, leading to spite and negative emotions – the snake eating it’s own tale. There is tremendous upside financially and lifestyle wise to being a successful escort, but the same could be said for a copy writer, a digital marketer, a graphic designer, a real estate agent, a special needs carer (they deserve more credit and need more support), even as a tradie you can live a really good life – get your shit together, look after yourself and you can have a long prosperous career and fun life. My very first roofing boss (a G) travelled around Europe for 3 months with his mates.
With prostitution not going anywhere, and society screaming for more intimacy, better connections, and better, deeper human to human interactions; one could debate that those who learn to manage their mental difficulties, and still genuinely enjoy the experience of being human tend to have the mental ability of connecting with others and bringing joy to their lives; even when the temperament of the conversation or time together may become uncomfortable.
This is not to say that people who have very little mental difficulties/ negative experiences or none at all couldn’t make great escorts or be your regular client.
There are an abundance of single people who opt out of the dating and relationship realm because they have had bad dating or marriage experiences and for lack of a better term, pardon my French, can’t be fucked with anyone else’s bullshit. One gentleman I spoke with in life, said now that he was single, he was never going back into a relationship, his former partner was a bitch, his children had grown up, and his exact words were “why eat at one restaurant when I can just pay to eat at any restaurant I like” – he was referencing female escorts as the restaurants if you didn’t get it.
There are business professionals who are more focused on their careers than a relationship and family. Again, referencing a Tv series, look at someone like Harvey Spector. There are plenty of real-life Harvey Spector’s in the world
There are kinky couples that want to explore shared activities and feel more comfortable paying someone, then entering the community, or ‘publicly’ announcing their kinky interests.
And there are workers who have had great, relatively normal lives – whatever normal means; who will provide exceptional services. If you are well educated, like and are good at sex, emotionally intelligent, and enjoy people, you have the potential to make a great provider.
Anybody CAN become an escort. NOT everybody should become an escort.
