escort diary® of Poppy Paisley: I’m a mermaid, duh.
A little excerpt from my monthly newsletter (poppypaisleyx.com/newsletter) that was so well received I’ve decided to set it free into the world. Enjoy this peek into my weird little brain.
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Hello my little pearl divers,
I have been plotting.
After receiving test results showing that my vegan(ish) self is getting dangerously low on iron, I have devised a creative solution. Not steak dinners 3 nights a week until my low energy self has enough zoomies to bench press Lulu over my head.
No.
Oysters.
(I’m a mermaid, duh.)
I love oysters. I swallow them whole so fast you’ll blink and the plate will already be cleared. Apparently a dozen oysters has roughly the same amount of iron as a steak, so… let me at ’em. Give me two dozen. This is what becoming Oyster Girl was always meant to look like.
I’ll be taking myself on oyster dates around the city in search of the best ones. In the name of health, of course. I’ll also be posting reviews on Instagram and Bluesky to keep myself accountable with my iron mission.
You can also contribute to my oyster fund… and if you tip me before our date, I’ll bring enough oysters to share.
Why do body shots with cheap tequila when you could shoot an oyster and slurp lemon juice out of my belly button instead?
Imagine feeding me oysters while I dramatically explain that this is technically a medical treatment.
If you think I’m all powerful now, just wait until you see me with healthy iron levels.
*witch cackle*
If you’d like to meet me, I’d love to hear from you.
Poppy, your Professional Oyster Enthusiast xx
Oyster Fund:
throne.com/poppypaisley
The Oyster Girl Story:
yahoo.com/news/woman-says-date-dashed-she-230703669.html
Instagram:
instagram.com/poppy.paisley/
Bluesky:
bsky.app/profile/poppypaisley.bsky.social
Meet Me:
poppypaisleyx.com
