It’s that time again – the time when carols get played over and over in shopping centres until you feel like going on a murderous rampage with the steak knife you just bought for your mum. The time when everyone is talking about what they are going to do for their summer holidays, even though you might be working right through Christmas (I know I am!)

I’ve always believed that the best Christmas gift is the one you get yourself. When I was younger that meant a new pair of goth boots. Now that I’m older and wiser, what I really want has changed quite a lot. What do I really want for Christmas? Here’s my secret list to Santa:

1. Alone time

We all know that Christmas is a time for family (for those lucky enough to have a functional family who live close enough to visit). However I also value the holiday period as a time to reflect on the year that is past. It’s rather hard to be introspective when your companions at the dinner table are drunk and waving crackers at you. I try and schedule at least a few days of quiet time among all the madness.  Even when I’m feeling outgoing, taking a while to recharge can give my party stamina a big boost.

2. To feel ‘glamorous’

Honestly it’s not about silly Santa hats and getting wasted anymore; it’s about wearing a fantastic frock, eating somewhere fancy and ordering  ‘the good champagne’. Usually all of us Melbourne ladies will get together dressed in our best and spend a night out feeling glamorous. This brings me to my next point…

3. To feel sexy

In the midst of all of this excess, it seems that I often neglect my sexy side. This Christmas I want to have the opportunity to feel sexy; to take my clothes off for those who really appreciate it; to spend hours having sensual adventures. At the very least I’ll burn off all the calories from my drinking! Christmas is the time to express love, and I don’t think my love of getting naked should be left out of the picture.

4. To be surprised

The biggest difference between impatient-teenager me and wise (sort of) mature me is this: I know that the best things in life are the things we don’t expect. I don’t want to the things I’ve received this year off a list and be satisfied. I want to be surprised by all the weird and wonderful things life has to offer. Thanks to my clients, I think that this year has yielded some truly extraordinary surprises. I feel very richly rewarded.

5. Chocolate

I think this is self-explanatory, right? I guess I haven’t changed too much after all.