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The Role of Conventional Sex in Unconventional and Kinky Intimacies

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Sexuality, and the sex industry, is an extremely broad and diverse field. In my decade in the industry, I’ve encountered as many ways to do sex as I have people who do it. Moving into a professional BDSM practice over the last few years has expanded that even more. Kinky play and sexuality makes use of so many different approaches to sensation and sex that ‘traditional’ sex - the genital kind - becomes just one of many ways to link bodies and minds.

Today I’d like to address the role of genital sex in BDSM, kink, and fetish sessions. For the inexperienced, it seems like a no-brainer. BDSM play is just a bit of foreplay leading up to penetrative sex…right?

Well…no, not necessarily.

In the BDSM industry, the presence of penetrative or oral sex in a session can be a contentious issue among service providers. Many have a long history in the industry, and recall a time where offering sex in a BDSM session was simply unheard of, and can even find the request for it offensive. Others feel that sexual services are a natural part of the play they conduct, whether in a Dominant / submissive roleplay or in a power-free kink or fetish session. And still others are ambivalent, preferring to take that question on a case-by-case basis and include sexual play where it feels appropriate to do so. There’s no right or wrong approach, and every provider reserves the right to tailor her service as she chooses. Personally, I love to see the diversity with which my fellow BDSM professionals address this question - it means that there’s something out there for everyone, and it’s all about finding someone compatible with your own needs and desires.

My personal relationship to this question has changed over time, and I enjoy allowing that to evolve with my tastes and preferences. Sexual play and BDSM play are very different skillets, and in building my kinky side, I’ve tended to jettison things like penetrative sex and linear arousal patterns in favour of what, for me, are the more interesting aspects of my practice. What I love most about this is that it allows myself and the person I’m playing with to follow unexpected pathways to pleasure. It means that we get to stay curious, and more often than not, we’ll happen upon a new erotic trigger or an unfamiliar sensation that we can eroticize together. I think we all know the feeling of discovering something new - not only is the sensory aspect of the play a huge turn-on, so is the novelty and the surprise we might experience at finding ourselves incredibly aroused by something for the first time!

This is not to say that traditional sex can’t be or isn’t well-coupled with kinky play, and I absolutely respect the practice of doing so, whether it’s an integral part of the BDSM dynamic or a means to an ‘ending’, so to speak. But I also love conducting sessions that take a less-travelled path towards orgasm (or the intentional lack thereof!). This can include things like prostate milking, for example, or forced orgasms while my play partner is bound and unable to resist the trajectory of arousal I create through my touch or my words. Or the desperation created by a long and drawn-out tease. When you preference the journey over the destination, time slows down and you get much more out of your time together.

But of course, that’s just me, here and now. It’s always worth familiarizing yourself with your service provider’s preferences and offerings regarding sexual content at the time of your booking, and I highly recommend allowing her to guide you on whatever erotic path she chooses - she’s the expert, after all, and chances are she knows more ways to get you off than you could ever have imagined!
SCARLET BLUE.
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