What do weightlifting, self-defence and sexual domination have in common? Here's the obvious answer: I enjoy all of them! And there's a good reason for this...

I have been a gym junkie for six years. My interest began when I needed to vent some frustration during a particularly difficult time in my life. I began to run on the treadmill and then later, to lift heavy weights. From there, I progressed to gymnastics and olympic weightlifting. I worked for three years as an amateur, practicing alone in the gym or under the eye of a personal trainer. Three more years were spent studying and practicing for a career in fitness.  There's something satisfying about having a physical outlet for my emotions: I trained my body to recognise a pounding heart and shaking muscles as signs of hard work rather than distress. As my strength and confidence grew, I gained a good sense of my physical body and its capabilities (down to the last kilogram of weight lifted). This is called 'prioperception': the sense of the relative position of one's own parts of the body, and of the strength of effort being employed in movement.

I think that women general aren't encouraged to develop a sense of their own strength the way that men do. We aren't expected to be involved in sports to the same extent, we aren't asked to lift heavy objects on a regular basis. We often aren't even expected to open the damn jam jar by ourselves (come on ladies, I know this happens! You just hand it over to the nearest dude, right? What does his hand have that yours doesn't?) Growing up without a sense of confidence in my own body was a handicap that I didn't even know I had. Learning to lift weights taught me that I can be physically powerful. Weightlifting has shown me what my body is capable of.

Next- self defence. I practice a popular form of martial art known as Krav Maga. It's very down-and-dirty, and the focus is on permanently disabling an attacker and then getting away as quickly as possible. Krav also focuses on headgame - that ability to switch into an aggressive state of mind quickly when necessary. Being able to focus aggression on an attacker is another thing that guys tend to do better than girls. But the more I practice the easier it gets, and having the physical prowess to back up an aggressive response puts me in a good place to protect myself. 

Self-defence is always a situational art; its effectiveness depends on where and how it happens, and whether I have time to react. There are no guarantees that it will keep me safe, but it drastically improves my chances of coming out on top in a physical confrontation. It's the reason I've been feeling more and more comfortable to challenge street harassment (that scourge of every woman's life) and to stand up for myself in any of the numerous situations when others try to intimidate me into compliance. I should add that I have NEVER had to use delf-defence at work - all my confrontations have happened in my personal life, generally as a side-effect of being female. Self-defence training has allowed me to assert my own personal space, in private and in public.

How does sexual domination come into all of this? When I talk about sexual domination, I'm referring to what BDSM providers call 'femdom'. This is a type of consensual sexual 'power play' where the woman is in control of the interaction. She may be nice (ordering her sub to pleasure her and offering pleasure in return) or she may be nasty (humiliation, pain, or bondage) depending on what has been agreed upon. Although all activities have been consented to by everyone involved, femdom still places responsibility for the encounter in the woman's hands. It's a really hot way to have sex - allowing both guys and girls to step out of their traditional gender roles. (It's important to note that playing with a more traditional 'male power' dynamic can be really hot too, so femdom isn't the only way of exploring the gender-power imbalance.)

I have been a practitioner of sexual domination for many years, both in my work and my personal life. I've always been excited by the thought of being in charge in the bedroom. This is a form of play that allows me to embody a more confident style of relating to others. I can assert my physical, sexual , and mental dominance! I can take responsibility for my actions and for the safety of others. It's very empowering to see guys enjoying my confidence. Sexual domination proves what I can accomplish when I'm in control.

As an Australian woman from a traditional family, I grew up without the ability to effectively assert myself. Having a sense of personal power has been instrumental in my personal life and my sex life. Physical fitness, self-defence skills and femdom are all essential to me, to maintain this: weightlifting has shown me what my body is capable of, martial arts has allowed me to assert my own personal space, and sexual domination proves what I can accomplish when I'm in control. I'm sexy, I'm confident, and I'm a strong woman. These are the cornerstones of my life as a sexually dominant woman.