Here I am, writing this month’s first blog article. It’s hard to get my brain going in Winter; also I’m frustrated because it’s so cold that my fingers are getting stiff even while I’m typing this. It’s hard to find the motivation to get out of bed in the morning when it’s really cold. I’m sure other Melbournites feel the same – the streets seem quieter than usual and the queue is shorter at the café where I get my morning coffee.
Sometimes it’s worth making an effort to leave the house. I had a great experience last week when I spent time with a gentleman who had travelled all the way from the Mornington Peninsula, booking a room in the CBD just so that we could meet. We made ourselves comfortable, shedding all the layers of coats and scarves. We opened a bottle of wine and talked like old friends. And then we warmed up the room with some bedroom gymnastics, forgetting that it was even cold outside!
Sex is a lot like meditation, if you’re doing it right. Good sex makes all the worries and inconveniences of your life fade into the background. Good sex is in the moment – a time to concentrate on ourselves. I like creating a space where people can be present with themselves.
The teachings of Buddhism say that “being in the moment” means being mindfully aware of what is going on right here and now, in our experience. Most of our lived experience isn’t mindful – we follow automatic thought patterns of habit, fear and wish-fulfillment without really listening to ourselves and our bodies. These habits tend to drive out thinking and actions, and our conscious minds take a back seat.
Mindfullness is a practice of being open and attentive to what’s going on in the present moment. When we are mindful, we can experience thoughts and feelings without judgement or control. Focusing on breathing during sex is a great way to become more aware of the present; incidentally this forms an important part of the meditative sexual practice known as ‘Tantra’.
I’m not a Buddhist, nor am I a Tantra practitioner, but I don’t think one needs to be to experience the benefits of mindfulness. All it takes me is an intention to let my thoughts go for a while, to focus on my breathing and the sensations of my body.
Why not find someone that makes you feel warm this week, and indulge yourself in the moment? Don’t let our Winter vanquish you: have a glass of red and turn up the heat if need be…let your worries go for a while.