I write this blog as a way of expressing my mind of the client side of the equation beyond the Twitter limiting 140 characters that many of us interact through. It has been some time since my last blog for Scarlet Blue and my thoughts of what to write about have been forming for a few months now after both personal insight of oneself and also from what this man sees and hears. This will be about courage, which is a word that is not used much these days but I feel applies so clearly to the private companion and their clients. As I say you might find these words interesting (I hope you do) or just the ramblings of yet another client. Either way before I go further I would like to thank Karly at Scarlet Blue for enabling a space for this to reach a community of like minded people who read the blogs in Scarlet Blue and use the services of the sex workers that advertise on their site. I would also like to point out that I am not speaking on behalf of any sex worker as that would be poor taste (a little thank you to a lovely female sex worker who gives guidance sometimes to this man...as sometimes I need it ;-) ). I am not able to speak on their behalf as I am not part of that community as never having worked as one and walked in their shoes (or heels). This is purely from the lens of a man who is the client of some who he is forever indebted to for many many reasons.
"Strength in the face of pain or grief", yes strength. This year my own 'courage' was found from deep within a place inside me that I had never delved before, and hopefully not too often again. Faced with what seemed like an inevitable foregone conclusion on my part that I was staring down the barrel of a life threatening illness, I found the courage to face the fears head on. As the months wore on my courage certainly wavered from time to time, but staying resolute I was prepared with whatever the fate was to be. My old career had prepared me probably better than most would so I knew the odds and the likelihood of the results from the tests. Sometimes though knowledge can be a bastard and add to that the results kept coming back but getting worse. Incredibly with a whole lot of luck this man was incredibly fortunate. He dodged that bullet big time with the results coming back all clear and I should never have any issues with this part of my body. Overwhelming elation was felt and I had one my lotto. Who helped me throughout this period? Well I actually only told my immediate close family with whom I had great support from, but I did not tell even the closest of my friends. What I did find strength from was the close people I have gotten to know at a very different level, the private companion. They helped me find my strength at times when I simply was at my lowest. I know if I had confided in my real life friends I would have had a lot of teary eyed people over those months. But the the times I was having with them during this period and everyone were happy ones...I did not want t hose feelings to disappear and be replaced with sorrow. Eternally grateful this man is from those who he reached out to, you are pure angels in my eye.
I have since been well enough to celebrate life, health and happiness with a some special people in my life. As I started this celebration with a dinner date in Sydney I was extremely humbled when one especially close lady presented me with a present as part of the reuniting of our lives (it had been 5 months in the planning). The present was an email that was the receipt of a sizable donation she had made to a cancer research foundation in our names. I was so moved by this gesture, this personal expression of friendship, care and knowledge that she had taken the trouble to do such a thing...for me a client. I sat there knowing I really did cherish our friendship and our special relationship immensely and for just cause. My instagram / Twitter posts explain this in detail and I have since matched her generous donation under the same team name. It took a different type of courage for both of us to sit there that night sharing with each other, especially for her to give me such a gift and for me to try and hold it together in front of her. I partially managed...but she knows me to be an emotionally charged person.
I have always had total admiration for the ladies who provide the professional service of the being a private companion. Yes admiration for many reasons (some selfish admittedly) but for this blog the admiration stems from their courage.
"To have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism." ... yes in spite of criticism. So many misunderstandings of the private companion, the escort, the sex worker out there in society. My real life friends have no idea of this world and the richness that a private companion can bring to someone's life. They also do not understand the professionalism that the ladies I have met bring to their work, their chosen profession. I cringe when I hear them speak badly of the profession (when it rarely rises up in a 'vanillaville' conversation) and always counter their ill put views with ones of disapproval and from a different perspective. This does raise the odd eye brow but again my past work background allows for the disguise of intimate knowledge. In spite of this ongoing stigma the sex worker pursues this career for which I am grateful they do. But this chosen career does take courage for many reasons. I have been amazed at how much courage it takes them to get photos done (blurred or unblurred of their face) and then having them in an online forum for all to see and shamefully scrutinized to the nth degree. Seriously to be scrutinized by others is off putting who let's face it are probably not in any position to be so critiquing! Then comes the courage to be that person the knocks on or opens a hotel door to receive an unknown person into a very private experience with so much trust. Stories I have heard and some online displays of how the trust is broken baffles this man as to how one could treat someone like that. Power to the lady but courage to her for going back out there to brave it all again. Finally sometimes the courage to trust and show emotion when in the company of a client, to open their heart and mind, letting each other be together in that very moment of the most intimate of times. It is hard as we work the fantasy world together but it can also be with mutual respect and admiration for each other as 2 people just enjoying each other's company, no matter the 'arrangement'.
There are so many examples of courage I have personally seen or heard of from the wonderful people I have been extremely honoured to have met. Let's hope that the reasons for the courage can be replaced with more enjoyment, acceptance and love in this world.
Thank you for reading (if you got this far). Thank you to all who have encouraged and supported this man through a difficult period to which I will always remember. Finally thank you to those I get to share the ongoing celebration of life, health and happiness with.