Let me tell you a secret – I wasn’t always good in bed. In fact, before I began work as an escort, my sex life was a total train wreck.

I was socially awkward. I didn’t know much about how to please others. And although I had a lot of sex in my twenties, most of it was unremarkable. I bounced from one hook-up to the next, never sure whether I was getting it right. Sometimes things went well… but sometimes they didn’t. Whenever I had bad sex, I blamed myself for getting it wrong, even though I had no idea how to make things right.

If you’re the kind of person that feels as though they’re always winging it in the bedroom, then you’ll understand what I mean. So many of us are just doing our best! But the truth is, sex is a learned skill like any other. And sex work was my crash course in better encounters.

Eight years since I started this job, I’m finally setting all my hard-earned knowledge free into the world. In September, I’m publishing a book called ‘The Art of the Hook-Up.’ It’s a straightforward guide to a better sex life – all those basic skills I wish I’d known earlier. I believe we could all be having great sex, if only we were open to doing things a little differently.

Here are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned on how to have epic sexual experiences. It’s not as complicated as you might think!

Really great sex is all about connection – the sense of trust and understanding we have with our partners. An amazing session is a little like flying a plane: in order to ensure a smooth flight, you need a good take-off. For a date or an escort booking, that take-off is the effort we make getting to know each other BEFORE we become intimate.

Sometimes I meet clients who are worried about making the most of their time and want to rush straight into the sex. But unless we’re connected, the sex will feel mechanical and uninspiring. Whether it’s talking on the phone before we meet, dinner together, or a glass of wine and a chat at the start of the session, it’s essential to make the time to get to know someone.

If you’re anything like me, you were raised to think sex is embarrassing. For most of my life, I was far too embarrassed to talk about sex with others, especially in the bedroom.

But without talk, everything is guesswork. Everyone is different in what they enjoy, and since we’re not mind-readers it can be really nerve-wracking working out if we’re doing the right things to keep our partners satisfied. This anxiety (and fear of failure) can ruin an otherwise great sexual experience.

Talking about what we need makes everything much easier. Rather than having guess, you can simply ask. It might feel strange at first, but saying ‘How does that feel?’ or ‘How could this be even better?’ gives you the information you need to satisfy your partners.

Asking is easier than guessing. And it’s not hard to do, once you get past the initial awkwardness. The sooner we talk about it, the sooner we can all get on with giving our partners exactly what they want.

We’re all used to that ‘walk of shame’, that day-after feeling of guilt. Often, sex outside the boundaries of long-term relationships is seen as less worthy. We feel embarrassed by the casual sex we have, as though we’ve done something wrong. All of these negative feelings make it difficult to walk away from an encounter without awkwardness.

I’ve heard the saying, ‘you don’t pay a sex worker for sex, you pay them to leave afterwards’ and in some ways it’s true.  Escorts are the masters of leaving with grace; giving you a smile, a kiss on the cheek, and a parting compliment to reassure you that we enjoyed your company. 

I wish more singles knew how to leave with grace. Usually it’s just the opposite – dates will scurry away like rats leaving a sinking ship, treating the whole encounter as though it’s shameful. When we act as though our sexual escapades are embarrassing, we do our partners a disservice. It’s much better to hold your head high, show your appreciation with a clear ‘thank you,’ and walk away as though you’ve achieved something magnificent. Because if you’ve just had great sex, you deserve to feel proud of yourself.

My job has taught me that we’re all capable of being amazing lovers. Despite our feelings of anxiety and inadequacy, we all have it in us to do better. It’s not about being young, fit, or conventionally attractive… it’s just about making an effort and treating your sexual experiences with the respect they deserve. With just a few small skills, we’re all capable of having amazing adventures.