An Ongoing Love Affair
I've been putting off my blog writing until the last minute this month.
Why? It feels uncomfortable to write at the moment. It feels fake - like I'm forcing myself to be cheerful. I don't feel cheerful right now - life has actually been pretty messed up for the past few months. There have been some big life changes, some failed business ventures (through no fault of my own) and even a move to a new home, which is always stressful but even more so under this particular set of circumstances. But this blog isn't the place to talk about any of that personal stuff. Sometimes I feel like I have to filter my life through a rosy lens in order to make it upbeat, palatable for my readers. Although authenticity is very important in this forum, at the end of the day the purpose of these articles is to attract more clients - and better-inform the clients I already have. It's a public service and a marketing project all rolled into one. I'd never want to abandon either of those goals.
The odd thing is that although I'm struggling with motivation to write, I'm not sick of doing sex work. Returning to my work with full force this year has totally rekindled my enthusiasm. I've contacted clients I haven't seen in years, and discovered the joy of connecting as though with old friends. I feel missed and appreciated. And I find myself again enjoying that thrill when an email from a new client lands in my inbox!
I like getting dressed up and going out at night. I walk down the street with perfect poise, knowing that when I'm 'in the zone', every man who passes is looking at me, wondering 'who is that woman?' It's not appearance or physical attractiveness but an energy and sense of purpose that does the job, arming me with a confidence I don't always have in my everyday life. I'm on my way to give someone the best night of their life and if I can really connect with that that feeling, everyone around me can feel it too. Last night I was in Chinatown on the way to a couples' booking and everyone else around me was young, drunk and disheveled, weaving all over the pavement. I sensed heads turning as I walked up the street, a few inches taller than most in huge heels and my little black dress. I enjoyed looking like I had somewhere to go, an important task ... and in fact I did have something important to do (or SOMEONE important to 'do'!)
I also love planning sessions with old clients. Now that I'm back in the saddle (so to speak) I've been picking up on old requests, fantasies that my clients and I have ruminated on together during past dates. Sometimes we spend weeks or months planning a specific occasion, with numerous emails back and forth. I have a lingerie shopping date coming up, and a doubles booking with a lady I've oft admired from afar. Then there's the gorgeous kinky role play, the first-timer, the couple who haven't tried threesomes before.... 'Firsts' are fun to help people experience but also seconds, thirds and so on and so forth - we gain mastery of our fantasies each time we practice.
Some things are different - my working name changed recently and, with it, the sort of clients I tend to attract. I'm a lot fitter than I was last year, so I've been indulging in a little more acrobatics in the bedroom. (The only exception to this is after 'leg day' at the gym, where I tend to be fairly incapacitated. Remind me not to see you the day after a big gym session!) My taste in food and wine has expanded exponentially, and with it the number of recommendations I can give you guys for Melbourne eateries and drinking spots. I'm getting a lot better at asking for what I want in a session, and at talking with others about what they really want in the moment (more on that later).
So I guess you could say that - although I'm struggling with some things at the moment - stress in my personal life doesn't affect my love for my work. In fact it adds a bit of a richness, a willingness to approach things a different way. An encouragement to be open to change and challenge. It's hard to admit that things aren't perfect...but truthfully, are our lives ever perfect? And will admitting this destroy the happy vibes I like to encourage in my readers? I don't think so. Stay with me, and let's enjoy the ups and downs together. My love affair with sex work is far from over.