escort diary® of Vivian V

That disgusting horrible completely amazing 15 minutes

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(Sorry about grammar I write this on my phone which is on the brink of death ha. Can't a girl just do the best she can? Lalalala)

Hey babes it’s a boring night on the hustle in Melbourne I’ll tell u!

Where y'all at. Cold scare ya away? I get it.

Been thinking about this gatekeeper idea. Ha. I was messaging an ex bf this morning about it and may have triggered a sensi point. Because I now am beginning to understand the cure for carelessly dropping the keys and hindering myself from being with myself (if you have come into this half way through my long winded idea....sorry).

Love

I’ve spent all my life treating every and anything with distain and resentment and even though I made alot of changes in the last 5 years, bad habits die hard

So love is where I have landed. Who would have thought it? Not me. Ha

When I’m isolated on a boring night on the hustle, love it, care for it, tall about it
As I’m doing. If you can sit with these feelings long enough to feel love for them even the bad ones ESPECIALY the bad ones, letting go becomes a lot easier
The ex bf I speak of is well rebound in the Australian music scene. He’s had a lot of great things happen within his life, yet he goes onto seemingly not appreciate it and expresses he wants to die a lot.
This is a great example of someone with monsters still under their bed that they could never fight off. He exclaims “doesn’t everyone!”. I answer, “i don’t think so....”. I haven’t run the stats but I think well-adjusted people naturally allow themselves. To grieve losses and let go.

People like my ex, Lana del rey and I avoid. And that becomes a habit for every loss. Until you just learn to live with the suffering and.constant self sabotage which people like us feel comfortable in because it reminds u of our mothers........lol

LOVE

Love is a two way street, you can’t take without receive and u can’t receive without a bit of take. So when you send love to anything in your life ie. The gatekeeper, what naturally I will get in.return is love.
Spirtual love. Which is just self love. The gate keeper will stop dropping the keys because the gatekeeper will become more fulfilled more caring for others and she will let go of those keys carefully into my hands and I’ll be able to be with myself for the first time in a long time.
I can see myself and I can love myself from a far, but long distance relationships never worked for me.....I want to hug my little self and make sure she is safe and OK.

So That’s sorted
Now i have to do it.


Action = 421


I want to talk about an idea for a film I have. Which seems really beautiful even though it’s about the town with the highest use of methamphetamine in Australia.
I’ve been.musing over this idea for.a.while. I know all my writing is kind of about me , I never blatantly write about my life in my stories, but I they all have me in them somehow.

One of my biggest influences creatively is Andy Warhol . He is very important to me and like Lana del rey I find out more and more why he is important to me as I get older. his idea of the “15 minutes of fame” became much more interesting to me while trying to figure out how to write this story about this cracked out town in Australia.

Andy warhol made a film that didn’t at all follow the rule every story needs to keep a audience interested. in a sense the audience needs love. OR. They need to FEEL. Art is a drug. Without feeling they can’t watch more than 15 minutes. Uh huh!

FEELING what every human seeks and the most successful and memorable stories are the ones that make humans CARE. WE may enjoy the emptiness of. a little party or a fleeting flirtation
But it’s love , care and the “soul” a human.that we.inevitably seek yes.

Chelsea girls by Andy Warhol is a film made up of 15 minutes over and over and over again . and it’s very hard to watch in full in .one sitting. I don’t know anyone who has. Yet I sat through the entirety of the hang over (the movie)......because it followed the basic creative writing rule that the audience needs a hook (no pun) in which they care about.
That makes them question who they are and where they have been and everytime you allow yourself to feel, you are becoming acutely more selr aware. Art that makes you feel helps u learn about the world.
The 15 minutes, is more like a holding cell. It’s your mind going “just put a stop to that learning for a bit, get back to it tomorrow”....yup good old procrastination which in the long run undoubtedly makes our lives chaotic. And we become bored. There is no chalelnge in the 15 minutes it’s primitive. And staying within the primitive too long makes us act primitive. Hnefe why a lot of methamphetamine users go to jail. Heh. It’s true. Or xanx uses which I think is a physical drug metaphor for “the 15 minutes”. There’s nothing wrong with a little 15 minutes baby

But eventually we gotta live the 45 once again. If not asap. Because there is where the true beauty lies. NO SHIT.

Andy was a sadist. He withheld feeling from his audience on purpose as a joke. A lot of his work breeds comedy (at the expense of others lives and sometimes death). But there is a message of love in there. Its called 15 minutes for a reason. No one wants more than that. If more than that is had, it becomes destructive



Humans fall .apart without love. Without feeling. Without self awareness.

Andy had art and creativity in his life that made him hope and feel, that’s love and that’s why he survived while many around him did not. He never fell apart. Some around him.who took his concept too literally did.....but as I said Andy was a sadist.
This didn’t mean he enjoyed the downfall of people.......didn’t mean he didnt a little either. Let’s just say they were their own downfall but it would have been of great interest for Andy to watch. And so it was for ayobe who is a fan of him.

I belive Andy had monsters he neverr fought off. But as an artist you have to learn to trust yourself. And that’s big. With that you can do anything. Andy trusted his vision and it remains a wonderful complex concept humans still struggle to understand about themselves.
Which is funny . because you would think they would understand that the exact thing they seek within others is probably the thing they need to seek within themselves first?? We all want a taste of the 15 mins, but it will send you insane if you seek it too much. And within the seeking of it, we all eventually realise nothing is better than your the love and kindness you give yourself. How do u get it? Love duh.

How does a sadist teach us about love? Lol. Makes sense to me.

My friend is being sued unjustly by his ex for a unjust ivo breach (she’s using it to control him, horrid stuff). He wants to do hateful thing 1 or self pity thing 2. I told him to buy her a gift. Talk to her and LISTEN. Validate her answer. That’s kindness. I say she is being unjest but when hearing about her I hear a woman that seldom has experienced kindness in her life and residual resentment has built up. Be kind to people. It’s not weakness. Kindness always trumps hate in the long run.

Vivian V

Weight by Freddie Gibbs. Beautiful album all together! Still on it. And french Montana 2 PAC remix of unforgettable. Didn’t think the Moroccan would produce one of my fave tracks of the year so far but how can u hate it! Xxxx



I’m available next 3 days. So hope to see you. Still don’t know if will be available next week yet. I’ll see. Just check back at my availability section xxxx

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