escort diary® of Vivian V

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Because I was born to be the other woman
Who belonged to no one
Who belonged to everyone
Who had nothing
Who wanted everything
With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it
And pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me

This poem (only last verse of the first part) speaks to me like a co dependent fairy tale. Which in so many ways I get to live through my job. I mean line 2-4 are obvious straight up personality traits. The fire for every experience probably represents my expectations on people and life and the intense feelings I feel everydau because of it which is so energy consuming and unrealistic......I no longer hold expectations on people I just accept people for who they are and decide if I want that in my life. Maybe ask a second opinion too......

"And an obsession for freedom that terrified me tp the point where I couldn't even talk about it"

Obsessions for me are my life, I binge on obsession.
Notably happening with 2 humans and 1 drug. And the way she speaks the line of the poem is so perfect because when i come out of obsession and realise the damage i caused mainly again to my heart - little danica - it makes me want to cry in grievence to parts of myself I kill over and over and scared maybe this time little danica might just die......
The fucking desperation and sadness and recovery from these obsessions is maybe a lifetime process which you don't realise until you are just constantly suffering day after day and wondering why???? and it is terrifying. All my obsessions either for love, hate or the drug drove me to insanity. Even my co dependent using I would feel dazed and out of it, memory loss, self loss, im hazy in memory and I look back at my actions and confuse myself ........I was so sad

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SCARLET BLUE.
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