escort diary® of Vivian V

"Feel the FEAR....and do it anyway" (a tale of a hooker and her love of 80's self help books lol)

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Here I am again. 4am. And she says those words again of my own accord and take full responsibility. I press play. I die a little more inside. And in dying more and more, this is how I will really actually start living. (if you know what i mean ha).

So my time has come! and I have to take a leap of fate today. (boooo hissss) FEAR. What’s with it? I’ve seen it alot in the form of violence.
But Im now showing it more in a very honest and vulnerable way. Which makes me feel uncomfortable, BUT new things always are, and honesty and vulnerability can’t be bad right?

Some of you probably said yes to that. Lol. but they they are typically positive things to aspire to in order for one to move forward in which id like to do. Im like a vinyl record that’s skipping due to dirt or something on the needle, something is broken….something is not right…..I have to say it is a GREAT part of the record…...but it’s getting dull now I gots to admit. So time to throw the record player out and get apple tv….ha or something more open source maybe.

In any case, I guess it’s time for a little less excitement personally and a little more honesty. Slowly I move toward the ultimate goal. LETTING GO. haha. Yes it gets better...letting go. OF? EVERYTHING. Eeeeeek. FEAR. again. But not in the form of violence or revenge these days. Throwing the record player out will be yet another opportunity to get closer to the next ultimate goal.

When i Let go a little the first time about 2 years ago, sex got ALOT better. I am able to absolutely enjoy sex as part of my life these days. It’s a big difference to actually thinking i hated it when i was younger. THANK GOD THAT CHANGED ha.

So in a nutshell this whole process, which has been rolling along abruptly for me since last August, is a battle and a half. Because of course my first instinct will always be to fight it, this does make things harder for myself. I was born a fighter, survivor, revenger lol, and it really had got to the point where i no longer knew when to hold it and when to fold it. Folding it (letting go) is usally painful and means a loss of something, even if that something is needed to be lost, a losss to me is a sad thing either way! So holding on means i dont have to feel loss, i choose hold on!! Ha, of course i choose hold on…..but im learning that letting go has benefits so great that they are worth the feelings i have to feel in order to get to the ultimate goal…... And HEY im a slow learner too so two steps forward and one step back always for me lol. But Im learning all the same. And today I kick this into overdrive once again and hopefully propel myself forward a few more emotional years because im a touch behind in the EI (Emotional Intelligence) stakes.

So if my phone number may have changed a few times or my twitter and or instagrams are confusing…..try living my life, let alone trying to follow it. Haha. Don’t worry this will all line up soon and routine (i LOVE ROUTINE, i know boring but boring is needed sometimes and it’s needed for me ha) ;routine will find its way back into my life again for a while and ill be ok.



This week ill be working with the phone number 0431231519. This should be my number for a while until after my break, which i believe will start next Monday for 2 weeks (watch this space for updates on exact dates). Ill do some new photos with my BFF who takes amazing photos and THEN ILL BE BACK! NEW PICS UPand Hitting Mackay, bris and the GC. Then ill be back in Melbourne in which I may be taking another couple weeks off. But ill be back over the xmas break, I always have the funniest and fun clients over the xmas break. I really wouldn’t miss it.

So wish me luck on my “process” ha. I feel the FEAR, but im going to do it anyway. Just to see what happens…

LLUUVVV Vivian xxxx

this blog dedicated to my bestie/brother in flowers who is also going through the process and we are going through it together even if we have to be apart a while....

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