A prostitute, a daughter, a carer, a sister and a friend.
Throughout my journey as a sex worker I have always been very open about who I am and the things in my life that have formed me. This is for a few reasons; to connect with people over our shared experiences, to understand myself and those i love, but mainly in an attempt to humanise the idea of the prostitute. Too often sex workers are assumed to be a one thing and people form their idea's of us based on whatever point of reference they have, which is often negative. The stigma and taboo surrounding sex workers is isolating and alienating, and the constant feeling of needing to justify or prove to others that we aren't just a stereotype is exhausting. I've found that speaking honestly about who i am, how i came to be a prostitute and why it makes me happy has helped others to understand not only myself but other workers too. I want my clients to know who I am and who they are being intimate with so that they can see i'm not just the escort, Scarlett; I am many things to a lot of different people, just as they are. A lot of workers chose to or absolutely have to keep their work and personal lives private and separate, but for me the two bleed into one another. My work and family life inspires and moves me, and I need the both of them to feel like a whole self.
My family call me Kate; They are my whole world and the reason I live the way i do. I have a Dad who I love so much it hurts me. He is my touch stone when i feel completely lost within myself and the person who has always given me the permission to live authentically as my self regardless of what others think of it. My dad cares full time for my Mum and two little sisters. My mum suffers from advanced Multiple Sclerosis; she used to be a high school teacher but had to retire early because she became too sick. I have an older brother who I love dearly that makes me laugh and inspires me to work harder. I also have two little sisters; identical twins who both suffer from autism. One of them has been diagnosed as mentally disabled, the other with autism spectrum disorder. These two little girls are the soul reason I so badly want to be successful. The amount of love I have for them is painful and often sometimes unbearable; people who don't have loved ones with a disability will never understand how much it hurts the people who care for them. Three out of six members of my family have a disability and the other three including myself suffer from periods of severe anxiety and depression; a common side affect of being a carer due to the feelings of helplessness, loneliness and even guilt, because why should i get to be healthy and normal?
I learnt very early on that life isn't fair; that nature or God doesn't care for our dreams or plans, that everyone on earth is is suffering either right now or will at some point in their lives. Sex work has given me meaning to the suffering; I have used my pain as a tool to connect with people, to give them understanding and to be that person who says "I know what you're going through, and I see you". My dad often tells me that he's lonely, that he misses having a wife who could look after him occasionally. My dad is someone who would really benefit from seeing a sex worker, and I really hope that one day he gives himself permission to be looked after in an affectionate and loving way, but he's riddled with Irish Catholic guilt.
I think in many ways I am trying to heal my dad through my work. I tell him about the clients i see who are also full time carers or in similar circumstances to him; he nods his head as he listens to the stories and often says "you're doing a real good thing, Katie". My job has been really difficult for my dad to live with, but he always tells me that he would never ask me to do anything else because he knows just how important the job that i am doing is. The fact that some people will judge my father for supporting my choice to do sex work pains me like you wouldn't believe.
I see my family and friends in my clients all the time. I see myself in my clients. Everybody just wants to feel loved, acknowledged, heard, seen and understood. My life, work and circumstances have taught me this, and by sharing myself with others i hope it makes the burden feel a little lighter; to know that there is someone out there that gets you. I feel a responsibility to try to lessen the suffering of those around me; and that is why I love my job so much. It so often isn't just about sex-the sex is just the beginning of a much longer conversation about the human condition, about what it means to be a human. Sex workers are healers, the good ones anyway.
I hope that through out my life I remain open, strong, honest and never give up on loving and caring for people. I hope that who ever is reading this that you understand that just because i made a decision to sell my pussy that I'm not wrong or bad or dirty for doing so. I am merely just a girl, called Kate, trying to make people feel loved and a little less lonely; one hug, kiss and blow job at a time.
Please be kind, you have no idea what pain people are walking around with.