To be a good lover
This topic has won the twitter poll. So here's my list. Again, please don’t take it too seriously, just my thoughts on it at this moment in time.
1. Be attentive. Listen and watch for reactions. Just because you would enjoy to be touched a certain way or because your last lover adored it, doesn't mean the one you are with now would too. We are all different. So watch what her subtle body clues tell you.
See if you can notice the smell of arousal. If it's not strong enough to notice maybe she isn't ready yet. More foreplay, massage, flirting or compliments could do it.
2. Don't fake over done moaning but don't hide your reactions either. It's so much more fun to play with someone who is openly enjoying it than a cold non responsive body. I get very aroused when I feel I’m making someone hot. I like to give pleasure, and being an empath I feel that pleasure as if it’s been done to me.
3. Make sure to give positive reinforcement for things you like and mention or lead away from things you don't. With time lovers learn, but on first few encounters it's important to communicate. If during sex it could feel too awkward, before or after (for next time) could work too.
4. Ask permission to do something that hasn't been done or discussed before, but don't be shy to try new things.
5. During sex use your hands, don't forget about their existence. Unless they are occupied keeping you balanced, you can use them to massage, hold, play, stimulate.. I enjoy when the guy plays with my bum or massages my lower back, grabs my hips, or pats my face, or even strokes my hair during lovemaking.
6. Don't hold off your orgasm. In more cases than not guys either loose their erection or end up being unable to cum afterwards. When you let go and just enjoy as opposed to trying to control the timing of it, it's more real. If you do finish quickly, can always go again after some cuddling. I'm a lot more keen to have sex more often with guys who I know will come with me than ones who I have to hold off my orgasm for, or we have to wait for me to recover then go on and on and on and on, often making me sore and bored with the repetition.
7. If you'd like to introduce other elements in to play, make sure to mention it. Various toys, ice, fruits, chocolate, restraints, role play, or anything else. Unless something has been talked about prior, I often revert to vanilla sex, with only 1-2 simple elements brought in.
8. Try to be inventive. Often touch thru a material can feel amazing. Light nails on skin, teasing tongue around the hips without rushing to any erogenous zones. Think up something new and different to do.
9. Read and learn. We are not animals just to mate. There is time for pure passion and desire, but sometimes some technique can be amazing. I'm not talking only of going down on the lady either. But everything. Kissing, sex itself, touching...
10. Be in the moment. Conscious of what you are doing. Stay present. It's easy to tell when someone drifts off. If something is bothering you, if you can't get a problem out of your head, it's best to pause and discuss it. Or think up alternative pleasure arrangements.
11. Don't stress if your body isn't cooperating. Overthinking it is only going to make it worse. Too much food, fatigue, too much work, burnout, alcohol, thinking, all can influence it. Alternate arrangements could work well. There are still things to do and enjoy. As long as you don't get fixated on it. And hey I can always please myself..., with my toys... while sitting on your chest.
I’m thinking I better leave the rest to be told in person… Wouldn’t want to get too graphic here.
Mostly, just enjoy it… enjoy each other.