Some truths… How I made the choices that I have of where I fit in, in this very interesting and complex industry.
I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation for the way I do things, but I haven’t posted any diary entries for a while, mostly out of pity for new potential clients who will need to read yet more of my writings to catch on. I was told it’s 90 pages already. However some people do enjoy reading them, and at the end of the day no one *needs* to read them, but they can if they feel like it. If they wish to get to know me better.
This industry has enough of a bad stigma going anyway, and being promoted by individual workers who steal deposits / pre payments, back-stab each other instead of being united, blackmail clients, intentionally stuff up references to keep clients to themselves and so on. Clients have to spend time researching the lady they are interested in before going to see her, and be careful who they trust. I won’t add more noise to all this, and instead will talk about myself, yes my favourite topic, me, lol
How I made the choices that I have of where I fit in, in this very wide ranging, unique, and complex industry.
Most people don’t know this about me, but a while back, after getting in to some horrible debt, after a business venture failed after borrowing 50K from the bank, and thanks to my love of expensive and posh things owing 23K to CC, I ended up working in an establishment, as that seemed easier at the time than trying to navigate the private world. No, I didn’t last there long at all, I also didn’t make much money, even thou I was “chosen” on almost all intros. I know many ladies work in those places and enjoy it, so again I’m speaking for myself only.
It was the lowest point of my life. And I’ve been in plenty of shitty situations before… I hated every second of my life there. I only saw misery around me. Ladies cuddling pillows after bookings, no one really spoke to each other, ladies lived there and worked 24/7 with only naps in between being woken up, having to see 5-10 clients in a day, having no choice of who they serviced, knowing nothing about them, most bookings being 30 - 45 mins. At the end of the day not remembering who came at the start. The cherry on top was having to watch day time TV in between bookings as that’s all there was to do. While sitting in our lingerie and heels, ready to jump up as soon as someone walked in. With horrible jealousy and shit going behind the scenes. Then being assaulted and getting no support from management, only told to leave if I can’t manage myself behind closed doors.
I decided to never ever ever do this work again. But I knew a few beautiful ladies who did private work for years and thrived, loving the freedom, speaking very highly of their clients, those were the most decent, honest, kind, open minded, spiritual human beings I met. I decided to give it ago. If they can do it and stay beautiful… maybe I can.
But to do it on some conditions I promised myself never to break, to never again go thru the soul destroying feelings I had of being stuck there.
Firstly and most importantly it is to be picky with who I see. Weather I can cover the rent that week or not.
To be careful and as safe as possible, no matter the pressure a guy will put on me to provide any unprotected services. I don’t want to feel that I’ve betrayed myself, like I felt when that guy assaulted me in the establishment, and I was too weak to scream or run to the door. I hated myself that night, and swore to never let it happen again, to never let someone use me like that without resistance. Yes I was terrified he will hurt me more if I resist, but hating myself for being too placid afterwards was worse.
Another rule was no matter what, no more than 2 people per day, and to try limit it to 1.
To see people who care about me as a person, not just a warm body that's convenient and available.
In the same way to care for my clients, and see them as people, call them lovers, not punters / Johns / hobbyists etc. To build a connection, which I have done whenever was possible, not to hustle more bookings, but to keep my promise and to keep sane.
I’m not naive for giving all that extra time for free to chat to people before and in between bookings. I do it consciously, intentionally. Yes some times after weeks of chatting to someone one of us decides we aren’t suitable and cancels the booking, but you know, it’s better than discovering it during a session.
I only want to attract lovers who will enjoy my company and thrive in our relationship. Only people who I can help in some way, sexually, or emotionally. I don’t wish to have anyone feeling like they are stuck with me for the duration of the booking. I want to feel I’m doing something useful in life. Even thou this job isn’t as important as being a surgeon, pilot, etc, I do make people less lonely, and that’s important to me.
I believe that when people have some feelings towards each other, like lust, caring, liking, respect etc the intimate times are so much better!
However it doesn’t mean I’m breaking any client - escort arrangement. Gents check out the pricing on my site or SB, and make the monetary exchange as quick as possible, I’m grateful for their support and we move on to fun times. It doesn’t affect our relationship.
I also don’t pretend to love someone, I choose my words carefully to make sure what I’m saying is truthful. The downside of being honest is that I don’t fake orgasms, if I don’t enjoy something you are doing to me in bed, I’ll let you know. I try to treat everyone fairly, and have unique connections to my lovers, each with our own set of memories, and special experiences. But I’ll never tell someone they are my favourite, or have sex with no payment. (I’m very self sufficient, and can please myself perfectly lol). I also won’t cover you with fake flattery and sweet words that mean nothing. So if you like ladies sucking up to you, I’m certainly not a great candidate.
Yes very silly in terms of money making. If I was running this business differently, I might have already had a deposit for a house. But my soul and sanity are more important to me than physical possessions. Who knows how long we have in this world anyway? We can’t take money with us to the grave, but experiences we do.
I’m doing many things to keep my anxiety under control, my introverted side happy, and avoid as much negativity as possible. Not getting burned out like I have in the past, and to avoid being unable to face any more clients / people, which happens, as an empath when facing too much negativity.
Not because I’m trying to be “better” than anyone else.
It’s like blaming a person with gluten intolerance for avoiding wheat bread. Yes I’ve seen plenty of that around too, even coming from celiacs who get angry that non celiacs dare to order gluten free in restaurants! Not thinking they are the reason there is so much more gluten free food available now thanks to them. I guess jealousy again, as gluten intolerant people can still eat gluten and not get extremely sick, but they choose not to.
I am aware some people hate others who don’t operate in the same way as them. When they think someone is showing off by being “good” and making them feel worse about their own behaviour. I don’t know why it’s the case, as everyone makes their own choices, and I’m far from being a saint, but I do my best to try not to hurt people, even if they do hurt me. Feeling guilt is the worst…
We all have our own path of struggle, and people should be allowed to make their own choices. This days minorities are so outspoken, that quite often even if they are in fact becoming a majority, no one is allowed to say anything negative about them, while they for some reason are very loud and supported in their hate towards others, by claiming it to be self defense.
Wish people paid more attention to their own lives and businesses and less to how others run theirs.
To summarise, if you want honesty, laughs and baggage free fun times, intermittent with deep talks, philosophy, romance, and passionate love making as a result of our affection towards each other, get in touch, we can take it from there. I’ll only enjoy people who respect me and cherish our times together. Gathering fun experiences, pleasuring our bodies, satisfying our senses.