Self love and confidence
"Self love and confidence"
Two different things which seem to get mixed up for some reason.
I get surprised looks whenever I mention the fact that I love myself. In the current social upbringing its almost frown upon. People are growing up with millions of insecurities and self doubt, while being told by parents, teachers, social media, TV etc that they aren’t good enough, they don’t look as good as they should, they aren’t smart as can be and so on. When confidence seen as sexy, people who are shy, end up spiraling down feeling even worse by their own sense of unworthiness.
In my opinion self love has nothing to do with general confidence. Love yourself as there is only one you. Love yourself as no one will ever be able to be you, love yourself as at the end of the day you only truly have yourself. Love yourself as if you don’t, it would be difficult for others to love you, as you will keep sabotaging that love with doubt, suspicions, criticism which could kill that love. If you aren’t a good company for yourself, why would anyone else like to be in your company?
If you don’t enjoy spending time by yourself, ask yourself why.
As far as confidence goes, every person has more of it in particular environments and less in others. For example a uni tutor might be very confident being on stage to lecture a big group of people, but put him in to a one on one with a female and he will be stumbling. A dancer who is used to performing on stage, might feel super awkward having to talk to a group of people. Others might be social butterflies, easy to chat to everyone in the city they grew up in, while put them overseas, in to a new country, different language and they will be scared and lost. Another could be very confident at work, but take them in to a posh 5 star restaurant and they won’t know which fork to pick up first and feel greatly embarrassed. It’s just getting out of their normal, usual environment.
For a lot of men the uncomfortable starts with dating women. Whether professional companions or in a regular dating scene. I love bringing guys out of their shy zone, pushing boundaries, holding their hand while taking a step in to the uncomfortable together, until they feel at ease there, and happy to move on. I like teaching what women want from their guys, and showing them it’s not scary at all. We are all humans.
Myself, I’m comfortable on stage in front of people, whether dancing or lecturing, I’m comfortable being nude anywhere as long as I don’t offend anyone. I’m comfortable in classy restaurants, and meeting new people. I’m comfortable alone, in my own company. However take me to a party where I have to mingle and chat about the weather and I’ll be looking for the exit sign. Also put me in to the wilderness with no first world facilities, and I’ll be one miserable girl. I’m very not confident where insects are concerned for example, doesn’t mean that I don’t love myself.
I know I try my best, its impossible to please everyone, and ultimately each person is responsible for their own happiness. Misunderstandings, preconceptions might occur. Sometimes past memories come flooding in that prevent the person from having a clear view of the ‘now’. It’s just a matter of picking up and moving on. Taking the positive lessons from every experience. Understanding that whatever occurred might have nothing to do with you, but just a reflection of the other person’s problems, anxieties, insecurities, mood or even drugs.
No one knows everything I went thru in my life, which taught me not to judge anyone.
A person that isn’t confident with their body, is it your own outlook, or the society made you think that? Who said what’s ideal? I am attracted to very ‘unusual’ looks in my personal life. Media is trying to teach us that there is one attractive look for all but that’s just not the case. I know so many guys that prefer natural over airbrushed, no make up over made up face. So many are liking the bigger more voluptuous women and then are made embarrassed by their feelings, as if they are wrong! Does my head in. Who can tell anyone who they should or shouldn’t like?
A person that has a very specific, narrow ideal of the type of woman they like, might meet their soul mate, who this life time ended up looking very different, but they won’t be open minded enough to see beyond the physical. That makes me sad.
While I see people beyond their gender, their age and look.
It’s funny when I get messages from guys saying “I’m very fit and attractive”. OK, attractive to whom? Why are you so certain I’ll find you attractive? And why should it even matter?
On the other hand some other men, when I comment about their stunning looks, or a specific feature of their face or body I find very sexy, laugh not believing it at all, thinking I’m just trying to flatter them. Sometimes the person’s spirit comes out in a specific unique physical feature, and those features is what I’m attracted to.
Hence why I don’t describe myself as hot or attractive or beautiful. As some people will love me, others won’t, and it’s totally natural. I love myself, and that’s enough. There are people wanting to spend time in my company and cherishing it, and that’s enough. I have amazing, beautiful regulars who I care for deeply.
That’s why I put up so many images, videos (mostly on my twitter - @maze_dreamz) and of course all my writings and descriptions of my character. There is someone for everyone. We just need to be true to ourselves to figure out who it is.
We were given this body for this life, we should work hard to protect it, by eating well, resting, not damaging it to the best of our ability, keeping it fit, and of course most of all just loving it!
This is my opinion, my philosophy, you can obviously have a different point of view, I’m just explaining where I’m coming from when saying *I love myself*, and it does not mean I’m overly confident, up myself person. I’m actually quiet, and try to see a funny side to everything, to have a laugh and a good time. We can’t take ourselves too seriously. It will only cause us to be miserable.
So yes, love yourself, as you are awesome :-)
This essay got way longer than planned, as I’m passionate about this subject. But I’ll stop here for now.
Till we meet,