Castles in the sky
With the good comes the bad. Thankfully rare. I do believe I have a good screening process and since I don't see many people, and always chat to them beforehand, I'm reasonably good at weeding out the nastiness and obviously been lucky too.
However I still managed a few unpleasant encounters this year. In which I was uncomfortable, feeling threatened, not wanting to continue yet even more worried about stopping. All of them while on tour.
When the clients left I felt drained and sore, wondering why I'm even doing this job for and how they sneaked thru my vetting process.
The encounter wasn't pleasant for them also - small consolation.
I realise that there are people who aren't self aware to such an extant that they don't know what arouses and gets them off. They might even read my writings in which over and over again I talk about my ideal clients, and they really believe they fit the criteria.
I call them switches. (I know it has another meaning in S&M world).
While not aroused they come across as perfectly normal, decent humans. Even sweet and considerate. However once their hormones go up they turn in to animals. I've met 2 women and a few guys like that now. They hear no logic, they have that need to get pleasure any way they can. They get off on humiliating / hurting / overpowering others but once they finish, in seconds they turn back to lovely, even apologising for their behaviour or making light of it.
Talking about those specific experiences with my other lovers feels crazy awkward. And I certainly can't tell my civvi friends about it. It can be a lonely existence.
For someone as sensitive and over analysing as myself, those experiences hurt for a while.
However when I think of all the good that happened this year, the beautiful people I met, cool experiences we had, the places I got to travel to, the posh hotels, fine dining, gifts, finally paying off one of my credit cards, it definitely seems worth it.
However I'll have to be even more careful. I don't want to gamble with my body and mental health. No more same day bookings, at all. No more guys who haven't read my site or with whom we haven't spent some time chatting.
I'm sure most of them are fine and nice people, but it's scary for me to let a complete stranger in to my bed. I like to know something about the person, I need to like him enough to want to please him.
I don't run this SW business like the majority but hey we are all different!
Time spent with me is an experience not a quick tumble in the sheets. It's two flames coming together, full of intrigue and desire to explore each other. It's romance of the old era.
I prefer longer duration to allow us to connect, to loose the inhibitions and get over initial nerves. However even 1 hour encounters can be magical if both parties are truly connecting and enjoying pleasing the other, pleasing one another in the way that the person being pleased truly enjoys, not what they feel like doing instead and not recreating some porn scenes. Wish more people got out of their own head and started noticing the other play partner more.
I can't make people read, but the ones who do, would be great if they could be honest with themselves and see if I'm someone they will connect with and if this is an experience they are truly after. To open up, share, play, enjoy, cuddle. To be in the moment. Our own fantasy world. No judgment, no lies, no pretences.
If you are after an escort for sex only, there are many other gorgeous women around who would be most happy to oblige.
If you do still come to me, don't be surprised I'm curious about you as a person and continue chatting before and after our encounter if we clicked and I liked you. Don’t freak out, it doesn’t mean I’m after a relationship with you.
I hope I won't need to write on this topic again.
Thank you to my sweet lovers who do get me, who enjoy my company and keep coming back, who consider me your friend, who spoil me with gifts and attention. I really do appreciate having you in my life.
Huh, so much for me trying to stay on lighthearted topics. My diary persona is all deep and serious, my Twitter one is mostly devilish and cheeky, hmm, who am I really? Different with every person I see.
Come and find out??