escort diary® of Lucy Landau

'My Dad Wrote A Porno - the podcast & live show

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Live show: Wednesday, 23rd August 2017 at Her Majesty's Theatre, Adelaide.

“Belinda blinked. It wasn’t a dream, the job interviewer had just asked her to remove her jacket and silk blouse. The Managing Director across the desk who had innocently brought her through from reception smiled and nodded at her. Slowly with the hint of a tease, Belinda removed the two garments. Her black brassiere was doing overtime to contain her full breasts ... Underneath she was wearing a skimpy black thong and sexy black stockings which she didn’t apologize for, after all she was an upmarket woman. She sat down again and crossed her long legs. She knew they looked good, but she really felt she wanted to keep her private pussy area hidden.” 

Your parents have probably done some mortifying shit to you in their time, but odds are they didn’t write an erotic novella about a nymphomaniac sales manager at a kitchenware company, then ask you to read it and provide feedback. 

‘My Dad Wrote A Porno’ is a podcast by three British friends, Jamie Morton, James Cooper and Alice Levine, who met in university and all have jobs in media and broadcasting. You can find out all about it at http://www.mydadwroteaporno.com, but basically Morton’s father started writing a series of erotic novellas entitled ‘Belinda Blinked’, asked Morton to read some of the first one, Morton shared it with Cooper and Levine, and they decided to start a podcast in which Morton reads a chapter of his father’s book and Cooper and Levine provide commentary. Think ‘Mystery Science Theatre 3000’ with bad prose instead of bad movies. 

It is one of the funniest things I have ever come across, and my gratitude to B for introducing me to this podcast is unending. 

As the above quote from the opening chapter of the first ‘Belinda Blinked’ book hopefully conveys, Morton’s dad, who is self-publishing his series under the nom-de-plume Rocky Flintstone, is not a brilliant writer. At its best/worst, the prose of ‘Belinda Blinked’ makes the most florid and mortifying escort reviews I’ve read look like Anais Nin. “Pussy lids” “pop” open. Women “excite each other until their respective vaginas [are] wet and steaming”. One of Belinda’s many sexual conquests “lifted her from the ground and slowly penetrated her vagina with his now throbbing cock” until “Belinda started to gasp in short spasms, she needed more and more oxygen just to feed the gigantic orgasm she was about to encounter.” 

According to the mythology of the podcast, Rocky genuinely doesn't realise how terrible the books are. He thinks people who find his writing hilarious instead of titillating just don't get it.

And as is the way with most successful podcasts, ‘My Dad Wrote A Porno’ has a live show and how could it possibly not work? The conceit of the live show is that there is an published chapter that Rocky Flintstone never ended up putting into any of the books – in the words of Jamie Morton “Yes, a chapter that even Rocky realised was too shit” – and just as per the average podcast episode, he reads it as best he can with frequent pauses for comments and questions, and much wine-as-coping-mechanism. 

Being a live show gives scope for more visual elements, including a camera view of the audience so we could see who came in costume (quite a few), two volunteers called up onstage to attempt to act out a typically nonsensical common sense-defying sex scene, and when Morton comes to a line about someone exposing their cervix, Levine stops the show, dons a white coat, picks up a remote and takes us through a PowerPoint slideshow explaining how female anatomy actually works. Plus it was fun to be able to play the ‘Belinda Blinked’ drinking game as a crowd. 

Aside from the cringingly hilarious prose of ‘Belinda Blinked’ itself, what makes ‘My Dad Wrote A Porno’ great is the chemistry of its presenters, and the way they bounce off each other. This translated very well to a live show. Nobody talked over the other two or took up too much stage time – Cooper’s antics got a little silly towards the end but not unbearably so and could have just been the G&T’s kicking in – and the two hours (including interval) flew by. 

The Australian leg of the live tour is over, but if you like comedy podcasts and have heard of this one but haven’t got around to it yet, I strongly recommend it. Thank you, B, for an entertaining evening.  

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