Shame can be really hot.
Once at a tantra workshop, we did an erotic dirty talk practice were we spoke our darker sexual desires and fantasies and really owned them - instead of keeping them locked away somewhere never to be expressed in any way. It was about letting go of shame, or feeling shame and not letting that stop us from expressing our desires.
It feels really freeing to be able to share yourself knowing there will be no judgement. It was a lot of fun. Since I was an assistant at this workshop I went first, part of our role was to go deep into what we are doing and be permission granters (while still being authentic to ourselves). Before I started talking I was kinda un-comfortable. I was about to say out loud things I had never said to anyone to these women who'd I'd just met. What would they think of me? I felt really vulnerable.
I shared multiple dirty fantasies that were on the edgier side, but I didn’t say every dark fantasy that came to mind. Yeah, what I shared was edgy. I could see the surprise on the womens faces who were listening to me talked about some dark monster with long dextrous cocks that 'tied' up an innocent school girl to prey on her...among other things...
Sometimes I think to be truly vulnerable I have to share everything, but that lacks discernment about whether I actually want to or not.
I chose not to share some of the really dark and nasty fantasies because they are mine. I like that they are my secrets and I don’t want to share them with everyone. I also feel that if I said them out loud like that then they would become 'acceptable'. And I like that they aren’t acceptable... ;)
In the conscious sexuality/tantra world there’s a lot of talking about releasing shame and how as long as its consensual and everyones sane then all sex is okay.
BUT what if I like that it’s not okay? What if it not being okay makes it hotter?
Suppressing shame is unhealthy (like it is with any emotion), but consciously playing with shame can be fun. Shame is on the spectrum of human emotion, we can’t avoid it and even though it feels yucky sometimes it’s still there and it won’t just go away. Why not get pleasure from it?