escort diary® of Katherine Chase

Is Sex with an Escort Adultery?

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Recently, I enjoyed the lovely company of a client who was an escort virgin - I was his first foray outside his marriage.
His nervousness was obvious, possibly a nervousness for many reasons, but I suspect his real concern was that he was about to commit what is widely regarded as the second-most terrible sin after murder . . . adultery.

And it became clear that indeed, he WAS worried about this. After some drinkies to relax him, and a lovely but unproductive sexy episode, I realised that he was holding back, mostly because of his issue with what he was doing. So we discussed it. Here’s my take on seeing an escort when you’re in a relationship with someone else:

So first, the biology lesson. We’re sexual beings . . . of course we are. The primary instinct of anything that lives is to reproduce, right from the self-reproducing amoeba, up to the apparently sophisticated animal that is the Human Being (I say “apparently” because somehow Trump got elected). We can’t help ourselves.

Ladies of every age, from very young to very old, married or not, peer into the mirror and make ourselves as attractive as we can - even if we’re just going out with our girlfriends. Why? Because on some primal level, we have to be better than them, so we can get The Guy.
Probably we don’t even WANT the guy, we just want to prove to ourselves and everyone else, that we could get him, if we wanted.

Similarly, the male (married or not) prepares himself to the best of his ability to get the female. He might not want her either - he just wants to prove to himself that he COULD, if he wanted.
This need to appear attractive enough to reproduce is wired into our very DNA, as its wired into the DNA of every living thing that needs a male-female relationship in order to reproduce. It’s not rocket science, its simple biology. We cannot avoid it.

In caveman times (close your eyes, Creationists), its been discovered that in any tribe of humans, there was one Alpha male who had the pick of any lady he wanted, and several subordinate males who could mate with the subordinate females. A male might have two or three ladies in his group. If he was out hunting a mammoth and was killed, his ladies would be adopted by another male in the group. Because everyone got to spread their seed among several women at a time and their personal genetic reproduction was guaranteed, everyone got along marvellously (we can assume that they did, because the Human race survived and thrived). It was a great arrangement, because all males got to spread their seed, the ladies were protected by the group, and children lived long enough to make more babies.
So, biology lesson over.

Eventually, we humans delightfully introduced the concept of religion and society and along with it, monogamy in many cultures. So now here we are, some thousands of years later, driving our cars to work, safe in the knowledge that our partner is as monogamous as we are.

But deep down, that urge to spread your seed stills remains. You can’t help it. Even if you’re long past the desire or the need to have an actual child, you still feel compelled to share yourself among more than one female. It just makes sense to you. You’re a sexual being; you still want it, and you will keep wanting it, until the very last years of your life.

But ladies aren’t the same. At a certain point, our eggs are past their use by date and the hormones we need to keep us sexy falter and fail, leaving us content to just BE with you, not sleep with you.
This can also happen early on in the marriage, if we have children and we’re just too busy and tired to want to sleep with you. Why would we - we’ve done what biology demands of us, we don’t need you right now.

So you’re there every night, feeling left out and frustrated, because YOUR bits still work the same. And you feel its not fair, because you’re ready to keep going, and she isn’t.

So your thoughts turn to finding what you need from somewhere else. Hopefully, they don’t turn to the idea of having an affair. Don’t do that . . . NEVER do that, not for sex. If you genuinely fall in love with someone else (without sex being involved), then that’s different - I can’t help you there.
But maybe you start to wonder what would happen if you saw a professional for sex. You wonder: Is that adultery? It is wrong? If I’m just seeing someone for sex, not love, does that make it OK?

I’m not here to green-light you, but I say that it IS OK. If you truly love your wife or partner, but you just NEED sex, or sexual variations that she won’t provide, with the full intention of remaining faithful and married, then I believe you should be entitled to explore and fulfil those urges. You know you don’t want another romantic relationship; you know you want to stay married because you love your partner . . . you just want a little something else.

And often, in getting what you personally need elsewhere, it empowers you to remain married. You have the best of both worlds: fulfilling your needs AND being in love. I know most wives would vehemently oppose this, but I also know of at least one wife who allows her husband the sex he needs with escorts because she can’t provide it. And because she knows its purely a professional transaction and love isn’t involved, she feels safe.

It’s your choice to see someone outside of a relationship or not, and your moral conscience that guides you. But morals are a construct of “civilisation” (refer to Trump comment above), and don’t really reflect the primal biology that governs us. If you can truly divide in your mind what is love, and what is NEED, then you can take the escort path with a clear conscience.

And when you do, ENJOY it. It’s what we were all made to do.

As for my lovely client? After we had this exact discussion, he had a wonderful, fulfilling time.

xxxK

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