No one loves their work every single minute and when I began as an escort I really found it quite uncomfortable and difficult. I was confronting my internalised biases against sex work and maybe even my sexuality and identity as a sexually attractive woman. I had suffered sexual trauma in my early twenties and lived in a sexually dysfunctional and abusive marriage for 15 years and as I began sex work as a survival sex worker, I was at my lowest ebb of self-esteem. It was the only option I felt I had. My other skills were not valued by Australian society although they had earned me a good living in Europe for many years. I gave this last option a go. Lo and behold, it was to be one of the best decisions I have ever made, along with the time I packed a suitcase and headed for Europe at 21 and the time I packed two children and left my marriage at 42.
This wonderful decision has of course taken me and my family from poverty to comfort but it has done a few other little things too. I have high self-esteem and high self-efficacy like never before. I believe in myself, I know I am lovable and I have confidence in my own sexuality and my ability to share that sexuality. I Have the confidence and financial capacity to embark on a new career direction which will give me a great deal of satisfaction in the last 25 years of my working life. Sex work brought me to this point.
However, it has brought me something else too. Something which I treasure and didn't foresee. I am in a position of extreme privilege to be invited into the intimate spaces of some beautiful human minds, to share their stories, hear their insecurities and bear witness to their most private moments. In my time as Isabella I have cradled men weeping over the death of their mother, their child, their spouse, I have helped someone read and edit their mother's eulogy, I have heard of the deep frustration of losing communication with partners, marriages fading, loss of intimacy, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. I have listened to suicidal thoughts, checked in on those people, visited hospitals, taken people on meaningful day trips like a final visit to the beach, to feel the sand beneath their toes before the end stage of a terminal illness. I have helped someone open up enough to masturbate comfortably, to learn to own their sexual desires and know they are not unusual or alone. I have had the very special privilege of being the person chosen to lose their virginity to as a mature person. I have held people who shake with nerves, who cry with happiness when they break down a barrier that seemed insurmountable to them. Of course in amongst all that I also get to meet wonderful men who just want some company at dinner and some hidden intimacy afterwards and with these people I have made some long term friendships and some fleeting memorable connections.
All of these encounters and experiences take my breath away. As a "civvy/muggle" woman I would not experience this breathtaking array of honest and vulnerable communion with other humans. I am immensely grateful for the life I lead and the life experience it brings me.