If you can't beat them, join them (part 1 of 2)
If you can't beat them, join them! (Part 1 of 2)
What an old school saying for an old school profession.
This post is particularly for all the sex workers out there. Stop for a minute and have a quick reflection about your significant others. Please excuse me, as I'm not a natural born writer! My punctuation sux; my words aren't good very' and my speeling be a bit off. (See what I did there?)
Anyway, let's cut to the chase. First and foremost, being in a relationship and being in love is hard work. Unfortunately, and definitely the case for me, the infatuation, motivation, pleasant discomfort and palpitations that start when you meet someone new, and feel attracted to them, are masked as butterflies. These are the kind of butterflies that start in your stomach and which are usually associated with that 'rush' kind of a feeling.
These butterflies are a good sensation to most. But to me, when I have had these butterflies, these are more nerves mixed with fear.
PLEASE do not tell me about FEAR, as in...
To that I say, fuck off please. Fear is real, it’s been encoded in us from the Stone Age and will be here until Trump blows the whole world up. (We won't fear anything after that because we will be dead.)
Anyway, back to the main point here. Having entered the sex industry recently myself, and being a little green and still finding my feet, I couldn’t be happier. In saying this, I used to be one of those annoying, insecure, needy partners that a lot of women deal with.
You know what I mean…the lack of trust, freaking out over any slight change to the personal bedroom shenanigans, noticing a different perfume, the smell of someone else on their skin entering your home, the panicked questions 'did you enjoy it?', ‘are you still attracted to me?' All that bullshit! All that bullshit that you know is bullshit that your frustrated, and frustrating other half doesn't get.
Ladies, let me tell you something from experience. These bullshit feelings don’t come out of nowhere. They come from those initial butterflies that your other half first experienced when you were first dating that turn into wild, giant jungle moths mating in your guts. It's a vile feeling.
Sex workers still unfortunately do have a certain stigma attached to them. If you are a sex worker and have a supportive partner, no doubt they will hear your rants, support your rants and read every article you can throw at them about rights etc. In my opinion (and it may only be mine) what we should really be talking about is: what about theirs? What rights for supportive partners? I'm definitely not saying, it’s their right to say how and what’s wrong or anything like that...I'm saying how many articles have sex workers read about how it might be for the partner of a service provider?
I would love to hear about this, and hear your experiences.
Good partners of sex workers could benefit from being well armed with facts, feelings and maturity. That doesn’t mean you can’t be the one backing up your Mrs at any given time and getting all 'braveheart' if someone disrespects her choice.
On the other hand, I do believe that sex workers unintentionally forget that there is someone else to consider. Daily selfies, professional photos, putting on a show for clients, I believe, can make someone an accidental narcissist.
There are many articles written about how best to support your partner, especially about how to communicate and boundaries (etc.) with what you do. My suggestion is to read them and have a deeper understanding of what and how they feel rather than throwing the book of sex workers rights at them for acceptance.
The thing is, both parties need understanding and acceptance. I think it makes for a better relay.