escort diary of Elle Divine

5 Things to Remember When Contacting Me

5 Things to Remember When Contacting Me

Alright, so here you are on my website and you’ve seen my pictures and read a bit about me and what I offer you – you’re feeling pretty excited and you’re making a decision about whether or not to contact me.

Before you pick up the phone, click the link to my email address or leave a message directly on my website, if nothing else; please remember that I am a person you’re thinking of engaging for a very intimate service. If you’d like to get my attention in the best way and have an excellent time in my company keep in mind that the first impression you make is a deciding factor in whether or not I would even entertain the idea of meeting you (let alone getting my gear off and rolling around with you.)

Thing 1: If you’re taking a picture of your cock – put the phone down

If you hadn’t sent me an unsolicited picture of your dick; you could be showing it to me in all its mighty glory in real life, and I could be showing you my mastery over said glory. Of the many boners it has been my blessing to encounter, yours is probably the poorest lit, boringly composed and purely offensive cock in the history of the universe. Ever. Why? Because you made a dodgy call and sent me a picture that I have no desire to see. Good work!

Thing 2: Introduce yourself

Hi, I’m ... What’s difficult about that? To be helpful and because I’m the soul of loving kindness, I’ll get you started with a basic template for making an enquiry in writing: “Hi, I’m ... I would like to make a booking with you on .../... at ...:... am/pm. Could you please call/text/email back? “
A simple introduction makes a world of difference. Chivalry is not dead and you are now a knight mounted on a gleaming charger, your armour ablaze in the sunlight with your pennant snapping crisply in a stiff breeze.

Thing 3: Do U Do Anal is NOT an Adequate Introduction

Need I say more? I’m sometimes prone to making very cutting responses to this line of enquiry and the bottom (ahem) line is that I’ve put time and effort into making my list of services both freely available - at the click of a mouse- and straightforward to understand right here: I can’t be discussing my incomparable services in detail while I’m in line at the supermarket or grabbing a coffee – just imagine the horrified patrons I would leave in my wake!

Thing 4: I’m asleep at 3 am

Did you know that my sexual superpowers recharge while I sleep? They Do! You can help by not acting on the drunken impulse to whisper slurred endearments into my pearly ear at an unholy hour. I’ve awoken from my slumbers on many a morn to a slew of skewiff missives that make me shake my head in wonder.

Thing 5: Keep it classy

I am an independent sex professional, and I approach my work with high standards. I’m keenly aware of the investment in time and money that accessing my service represents to you, my dear and valued patrons. I take care to make sure that your interaction with me is as deeply satisfying as I can possibly make it, just for you. In return, let good sense be your guide and politeness be your watchword. I may be a strumpet of the highest order, but my strumpetry can’t flourish without a generous helping of respect. So, keep it classy and I look forward to meeting you soon.
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