How being in the industry has changed my mindset (Pt2)
Continued from Part 1...
The Sixth lesson is the one that blew me away, I met another private worker (lets call her Bailey). Bailey had been working 15 years, she had worked her way from a industry that was run by bikies, where it was very common for a worker to be hooked on drugs and paying off her debt, but the more they worked to pay off their debt, the more drugs they needed and it continued in a viscous cycle, where there were no independent escorts, you had to be paying someone your dues. She told me how the industry has evolved over the years and different aspects of the industry. It really blew me away about how unsympathetic I had been, no worker is better than another, most of the time it comes down to circumstances.
A lot of ladies do not have the means to run themselves independently and charge what they like with every cent going into their pocket, the most successful independent escorts need the entire package, looks, skill, personality, experience and business sense. If your switched on and in a stable position you can figure out how to run yourself, this may take months or years to work out, but most don't have the emotional, business, financial or industry support so they need to find other ways to get into the industry. Some only know street work because that's what they are exposed to, others prefer the support a brothel or agency provides for a percentage of their fee, all of these options you don't need any financial backing, business sense, or experience.
I didn't realize when I first started how privileged I actually am I had the financial backing to run myself independently and set myself up from word go, combined with a couple unique skills, a confident personality, and decent looks I managed to get bookings straight away at a decent rate. This combined with business sense sourced from education and my previous co-ordination experience allowed me to set myself up further, and work my way up, this makes me privileged to have this opportunity. Some manage to go independent after years of agency work, then finding themselves in a position to further themselves, but so many ladies only make enough money to just pay their bills, or support their kids, they don't have the opportunity, business sense, financial backing or support in their personal life to set themselves up. So my lesson is recognizing I am privileged and I need to be more empathetic before passing judgement on any other person in the industry.
Talking to Bailey really opened up my view on certain things including my Seventh lesson, I was charging a high rate from word go with no reputation or reviews - I didn't even know there was reviews, I didn't realize how disrespectful this could be to those who have worked their way up to charge that rate. I could justify my rate due to my individuality but I felt I was still being a bit disrespectful so I dropped my rates. Rates are a very controversial subject, I see many ladies new to the industry charge the same rate as very well respected, reviewed and reputable ladies who have paved the way for others, implementing safety procedures like deposits and references, worked their way up over years. These new ladies only see whats on the outside, much like I did, thinking they are similar standard, and much like my clients have done, been reassured by client they deserve the high rate. I feel sex workers deserve a high rate, but I am also respectful that some deserve a higher rate due to their experience.
I am continuously learning from my clients, one of the best teachers I had was 'Steven', who I learnt a lot from, he encouraged me to further myself, telling me I should be earning double what I am. At that point in time I was just happy with what I was making. Steven showed me a couple websites where the expensive touring girls were advertising, which created self doubt for me as I did not feel I could live up to the physical perfection or professionalism of a lot of these ladies. After a few reassurances from Steven, who was a seasoned client, he inspired me to push myself to that next level. Over time I created a website, had professional photos, figured out a way to uniquely market myself - which ironically is to be myself, joined twitter, and made myself a business. Very soon my bookings increased in duration and volume, I received good reviews and reputation and I could justify charging my original rate again. My Eighth lesson was that I can actually work my way up, as long as I put in both behind the scenes and in bookings, giving what I could to make my clients experience and memorable and desirable one.
Over time the types of bookings migrated into more 'high-class', longer duration, dinner dates, shows, weekends away etc. Quite a few bookings became less about sex and more about my company, with quite a few clients being dis-concerned about having sex at all, this was my Ninth lesson. 'High class' is not actually what its perceived to be, you don't need be particularly well-rounded, only wearing designer clothes, traditionally beautiful, traditionally classy, or at the highest price range to be a 'high-class' escort, most of the time you just need to be good company providing the whole experience suited to them.
The clients I have had these bookings with vary:
- a very relaxed construction manager, who has a kink that he likes wearing stocking in public, who wants to go to the local pub for a causal meal with stockings under his jeans, who is looking for someone to share his secret with.
- a financial planner, who enjoys the company of someone who also enjoys his company, who was happy to stay in the hotel room, get drunk, have a little fun, then run to a take-away shop at 2 am to get a greasy feed
- a business owner who likes treating the lady to a lovely meal she enjoys, before taking her to play blackjack, then to the hotel room for the after-after party
- A businessman who wants a weekend away from his busy life full of nice restaurants, nightclubs, casinos, and day spas with some down-to-earth company to enjoy it with.
- A gentleman who is looking to lean and explore himself sexually, who seeks the company of someone experienced to teach him, which in return boosts his confidence enough to go out and date.
- A recently divorced gentleman who enjoys good company to go see a crude show, someone with his quirky sense of humor and intimacy.
- Plus many more which involve a nice dinner, then back to the room to play
The one thing they all have in common, they want someone down to earth to enjoy their 'high-class' experience with, not someone who is obsessed about designer labels, fine-dining restaurants and expensive wines.
The Tenth lesson is a tricky one, Its actually changed a few times. Learning more about clients I feel they deserve their escort to want their company, not just their money, as these are the types of clients I attract. I personally operate this way and I have a passionate dislike for workers who talk about their clients in a derogatory and disrespectful manner. One thing I have always known is very few workers are like me, the type of service I bring, the ability to compartmentalize but still care for my client after a booking. I used to feel that you should enjoy being a sex worker or it can psychologically damage you, this is partially true but one thing I have realized lately is there are ladies who do not like their work, but they still do it very well, so well that the client has no idea that they don't enjoy it. These ladies are not disrespectful, some respect their clients for booking them, some detest them, but they simply see sex work as work, that is all, and that's ok, the client should not expect any more.
It takes a very emotionally adapt person to be able to care for their clients, it can be very emotionally draining if you do connect with a lot of clients, which bring me to my Eleventh lesson, emotional burnout comes very easily when you do this, so I have to make a choice - either switch off and impact my 'service' so I don't burnout, or limit my bookings and increase my rates so I only see limited clients which helps me thrive, not too many that I will burn out. I will always emotionally burn out before physically burn out.
There are many more lessons I have learnt on the way but all of these significantly changed my mindset and made me more open-minded than I can ever imaging.