How being in the industry has changed my mindset (Pt1)
Before I started escorting I thought I had an open mindset - I was involved in the BDSM, swingers/open/poly, and the LGBTIQ communities, so I did have an open mindset above and beyond most unexposed people, but it was still reasonably closed off to the ins and outs of adult industry.
As I became more involved in these open communities I actually met other workers who were open about it, this significantly helped changed my mindset. Before I assumed most workers were only in the industry for the money, who actually don't care about their clients, that they are just a paycheck. I didn't think I could ever be a sex worker because I preached about women paying their own way and they shouldn't use men for money I believed men shouldn't use women for meaningless sex, and women should not be 'selling themselves'. Oh how I was wrong.
I had the pre-conceived misconception that there were two types of escorts. One which is based more around sex, who mentally and emotionally disconnect with their work, mainly street based sex workers, brothel workers, and agency workers. I assumed most were associated with drugs and bikies and had no other options but to be a sex worker. I also looked down and felt sorry for these types of workers, I was arrogant and not as open minded as I thought.
The other type is what you see on TV, the absolutely gorgeous high-class escort who looks like a super model, spends her days getting beauty treatments, and spends her nights with rich, successful businessmen. I never thought I could be this type of worker, I don't appreciate fine wine, I don't feel the need to have designer clothes, I don't consider myself as traditionally beautiful especially as I have a few tattoos and piercings, I am down-to-earth, I didn't think I would be classy or interesting enough to entertain a 'high-class' gentleman for an evening.
I worked in the mines for 6 years, and typically whenever someone bought up the subject of a sex worker it was conceived with a derogatory aspect, which secured my mindset, so you could imagine my shock when I actually met some sex workers.
I was seeing someone (lets call him Scott) who told me that he was contracted by another sex worker (lets call her Ruby) for group bookings, this started to open my mind, so when Scott introduced me to Ruby I was amazed that she was just like any other normal girl, really nice and down to earth. I remember Scott telling me she was one of the most renown in adelaide so I decided to look her up, she certainly wasn't supermodel material, more the girl next door.
Scott suggested I give escorting a go when I was telling him I wanted to get out of mining, so when I met Ruby it boosted my confidence that I could be successful with my looks, I knew I had some skills, and I tend to get along with men very well so I decided to give it a shot. I decided I wanted to be like ruby, a private independent escort. I was quite arrogant in the fact that I want every cent I made in my pocket, plus I wanted things run the way I want so I decided brothel and agency work was not my style.
Well from word go I was amazed. First lesson, Its not actually all about sex. My first booking was for 45 minutes, We played for 20 minutes and the rest was talking and cuddling. I realized quite quickly that its not all about sex, its about the entire experience.
When I was working in the mines I suffered from depression, within weeks of becoming a sex worker I was able to come of my medication. Second lesson, I was actually suited to sex work and escorting for many reasons.
My Third lesson evolved over time. I learnt that the clients who come to see escorts are not all married men looking for some side action, or single men who cannot find intimacy elsewhere - like I had previously mistaken. They are men from all different walks of life, all looking for something. They can be looking for someone to make them feel special, someone to share time and company with, someone to help them explore hidden desires, someone to pamper them, someone who they can be themselves around, someone to escape from reality with, and yes someone to give them mind blowing sex!
There's also this common misconception that the only guys that see escorts are older, overweight, unattractive men - which is completely not true! I have seen men as young as 18, upwards of 60, I have seen men that made my jaw drop and couldn't believe they were paying me, but also seen men who are aesthetically unattractive, I have seen men from all different nationalities, but at the end of the day none of that actually matters. What really matters is that they are respectful and a good person. Some of the physically appealing men can be absolutely arrogant dicks, where some physically unattractive men can actually be more attractive the traditionally handsome men because personality shines brighter than looks.
Again over time I learnt my Fourth Lesson, A sex worker is not 'selling herself' It's actually really empowering to know that your clients value your time, company, energy and intimacy enough to pay your fee and treat you so respectfully, and most men who see sex workers are not at all derogatory.
My Fifth lesson was a big personal achievement. I was able to actually compartmentalize my feelings so I did not need to switch them off during bookings. I struggled with detaching sex and emotions, and I still do in my personal life, but I figured out as soon as money is exchanged in a professional manner I am able to allow myself to feel the full range of emotions that come with sex, intimacy and companionship during a booking, but also leave them there. Once the booking is over I can walk away, what I am left with is the friendship feeling, I care for my clients like they are friends, if someone stuffs them around or hurts them I feel for them and want to help, but not like I would if I was in a intimate relationship with them.
Six more lessons in part two!!