escort diary® of Billie Moore

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First of all I want to say this is not a direct attack at anyone offering BDSM, but after a couple conversations I have been asked to blog about it as I have a deeper understanding about safe play, while exploring my limits in my personal life, than quite a few others who have dabbled in BDSM. There are plenty of articles, blogs, forums and resources about BDSM out there, but very few touching on the escorting point of view.

First thing to consider anything involving sex, BDSM, kinky play etc; is making sure It is safe, sane, and consensual. Most basic sex sessions are fine, everything is pre-negotiated and safe. When your looking at BDSM there's a lot more to consider, ESPECIALLY as a SERVICE PROVIDER!

As a service provider it is my job to ensure the safety of my client, both physical and psychological.
Lets use spanking for example:
There's so much more to spanking than just going for gold, some things you should always consider before spanking are:
~Warm up to ensure minimal bruising and no breaking of skin
~Knowing and avoiding there areas that cannot be hit or it can cause damage
~Knowing what parts of the body are more sensitive
~If the tools used are more stingy or thuddy
~If the client prefers stingy or thuddy
~Is the spanking apart of the pleasure, or to be used as punishment in play?
~is the spanking a sporadic thing or more of a spanking session?
~Is the client a masochist who enjoys pain, so they go into subspace when experiencing it?
~Is the client susceptible to go into subspace, or drop after?
~Does the client know what subspace and subdrop is?
~What aftercare does the client need and are you willing to provide what they need?
~Does the client know their own limits, or know what they are getting into?
~Is the client experienced?
~Ensuring safe words and gestures and in play
~Keeping a close eye on the client to ensure you don't push them too far if they are in subspace.

So many things that so many people don't consider, this happens very often in all different environments private, public and professionally.

As a service provider you should first and foremost ensure any BDSM is safe, sane and consensual.

- Safe - ensuring the physical safety (restraints not too tight, spanking not too hard ect.) and the psychological safety (avoiding emotional triggers, humiliation at a safe level, being aware of subspace, sub-drop and aftercare). Some psychological damage may not be noticeable until a couple days later when they drop. Personally I have had psychological damage and had triggers created from unsafe play, so I'm well aware how easily it can be done, and take preventative measures to avoid them.

-Sane - Ensuring both the top and bottom is in a sane and sober state to make decisions about the play, again to ensure they don't do lasting physical or psychological damage.

- Consensual - Everything needs to be pre-negotiated, if subspace occurs the submissive may not be able to communicate properly, so without pre-consent you may cross the line without realizing.


Personally I have quite a bit of experience as a submissive both privately and professionally. I'm not naturally a masochist but I understand whats needed to get me into subspace to tolerate pain, humiliation, and non-restricted servitude. I consider all factors and ensure everyone I play with will not cross any lines, I don't offer the more full on play (extreme humiliation, bondage, using pain ect.) unless I have built a re-pore and trust and gone over my limits with my client.

As for me topping I actually get into dom-space when a client is going into subspace, It is a zone I get into where the only thing that matters is my submissive. I will not perform any acts that haven't been performed on me, so I have a deeper understanding of it. My topping variety is limited so I usually offer what I am better at and I can ensure the safety of my client which is limited to: sensual topping, limited humiliation, light s&m, bondage, anal play, and tease and denial. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm a Pro Domme nor advertise for it, I have not had the experience to offer S&M only style booking so I don't offer them. In saying that I do see a lot of guys with different kinks and fantasies that wont change my mental state, they are just something different.

As a service provider I am always aware of my clients reactions, I had one get really bad anxiety when we tried a blindfold, bondage and gag for the first time, which I realized very soon after the blindfold went on when his whole body tensed, and he was not able to think straight enough to use his pre-negotiated hand signals. Every client is different and if you are not aware of the reactions this can ruin a session, unintentionally subconsciously make them loose trust in you, or worst case cause damage!

One of the key factors when engaging in potentially risky play is communication and honesty, If my client has not had experience I expect them to tell me, as I will do the same in return. I'm not saying don't do anything you haven't had experience in, instead be honest, find resources and people to guide you, take things slow, if you are uncomfortable there is no shame referring them to someone with more experience in what they are looking for. I have not yet had a client disappointed in me when we have tried something new as I am honest about it, sometimes it works, other times we may need more practice. Some clients expect a lot more than what your able to give, this needs to be communicated, not just go in hoping for the best, as it could break you, or disappoint them.

As a service provider both you have a responsibility to ensure your own, and your clients safety is looked after as much as you can, there's a lot more to BDSM than flogging, bondage and blindfolds.

Billie xx

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