Refilling the tank
I was having some thoughts today (I know, it’s hard to believe but it happens occasionally lol) while I was listening to a bit of my favourite little ginge Ed Sheeran on the treadmill today. You see, for the first time in several months, I’d finally mustered the courage/motivation to haul my phat ass down to the gym and get some exercise. This may have been due in part to a photoshoot I did yesterday which to my mind, did not go well, and left me feeling a bit deflated and heffalump-like. But I digress…
Sweating it out on the treadmill (and before we get into a discussion about weight training, I did that too…) had me feeling pretty good. I knew whatever else happened today, at least I did something today to love myself, and I miss that feeling. Exercise is such a habitual thing and when you stop it can take you ages to get back into it. But these little acts of self love are so important. My mood has been lifted all day, and motivation is slowly coming back.
It’s so easy in modern life to forget to do these things, and in my case I certainly know that when stress levels rise, energy to go and do these little acts of self love can decrease even though my brain knows it will help. So my stress levels rise and my state of mind can sink into shitty places. I honestly don’t believe humans were designed for the modern lifestyle, and that most of us spend far too long in fight or flight mode which can impact our health and psychological wellbeing.
I should probably work out where I was going with this… I think my point in relation to sex work is that I get it. I completely understand my clients need to escape themselves and their stressful lives for an hour or few. So often, men walk in and start justifying to me why they’re there, but I get it. I mean, we all need sexual release and I do think it is a fundamental part of wellbeing, but I also get that it isn’t just about the ‘in’s and out’s’ of the fucking, but an act of self love - maintenance and self care if you will. It’s so important to escape the grind sometimes, and to nurture the temple that carries us day in and day out. I think with all that in mind it’s also important for my clients to remember that I need to show self care to myself as well.
I think that as an escort, we give so much of ourselves to others that we really need to replenish that love and attention to ourselves. So when I say I can’t work late, because I need good kip, that should be respected, or when I can’t take early morning appointments because thats the only time I can exercise (I dunno how night gymmers do it?!), then that should be respected too. Because if I’m feeling flat, or fat for that matter, I can’t give as much of myself to my clients as I’d like, and to be honest, a flat session affects me quite a lot after a client has gone, because I’m a silly overthinking anxious person sometimes, and that kind of stuff snowballs. I NEED to allow myself the time to eat well, sleep well and practise my gym or yoga in order to be the best of who I am. So often I read comments dismissing our work as easy but the energy and care that goes into sex work is quite unique and burnout is a real, and common problem in our industry. Allowing myself these things is my release, my love to myself, my daily little valentines present to myself haha. As fun as sucking, fucking and sipping wine is, and my god don't underestimate my love for these things, it just never refills my tank like these little acts of self care do. Talking of which, I'm totally overdue a firm massage…. *hint hint*
So these were my musings today, while looking at the calories burnt on my treadmill today, and realising that it’s gonna take a heck of a lot more of those to undo the whole packet of marshmallow easter eggs I scoffed yesterday… #balance… amiright?