escort diary® of Asha Fox

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It’s timely, this blog really, and continues on from my last blog about social justice warriors. It’s really easy to become overexposed, overloaded and weighed down by perceived negatives in the sex industry. As if it isn’t enough that society struggles to accept the existence of our industry and to see sex workers as legitimate or even of human worth, a lot of the time the negatives that weigh it down are actually within the industry itself. We live in the internet age now and that means we see a lot of other peoples opinions, all the damn time. I have in the past, put up with a lot of shit as a vocal escort in industry forums, but I always hoped I at least taught someone something, although most of what I was exposed to and responded to with was grumblings, because there are still those who seem to think a women’s only job is to sit down, shut up and suck cock.

So while I have backed off a lot from industry politics, largely because the Diva culture in Australia is starting to get on my wick, and at the other end of the scale - the booming misogynist voice here is really quite deafening, and not even mentioning that maybe I just grew up a little bit… I was so humbled and overjoyed recently, to receive a message from an old friend regarding my written contributions in the New Zealand sex work scene.

I’ll give you some context. When you’re an escort, maybe even a successful one, that success can be quite lonely when you are unable to share it openly. My family know the basics of my work but not the extent of my involvement, because to be frank, it’s just an awkward conversation to have and they don’t really ‘get it’. These are people that I sat down and told one by one - peers and family alike - and as far as I’d been aware, no-one had really ‘found out’ my work, not that it concerned me that much, but of course it’s always nice to deliver it in my own words. So whatever esteem I ever hold in the industry, contributes only to personal job satisfaction, which is perfectly okay by me. So imagine my surprise when an old friend from my personal life messages me out of the blue, to tell me that the wise old words of Petra (old hoe name) had actively contributed to his decision to see sex workers, helped him with the etiquette side of booking, and armed him with the confidence to finally jump into the secret, seductive world of sex. In a time of need, sex workers gave him something to work with when all else was troubled.

Fuck me, I’ll tell you right now, I was stoked. I mean, after getting over the shock that an old friend accidentally found out that I’m a hooker and has probably seen me half naked now… I was just so pleased that my words really meant something to someone. That I somehow managed to reach out and help someone in making what is ultimately quite a big personal decision, is such an incredible honour to me. And for the sake of my own ego (I know, I know) I was just so overjoyed that someone I knew from outside of the industry was actually IMPRESSED by what I had to contribute. He isn’t a fanboy, not a client and had no motive to blow smoke up my ass… he just wanted to recognise my work and thank me. It says a lot about my peers back in NZ as well, that after making that leap, he has so much respect for the ladies he has seen and sees his experiences as such a positive part of his journey.

Often, those who work in the sex industry grapple with finding a purpose, and often some feel that real meaning and service can’t be found in this kind of lifestyle. But in all seriousness, the immense satisfaction I feel when I know I have helped someone, anyone, just to feel good, or better… well there’s a lot to be said for that. Maybe it doesn't mean a lot to a lot of people, but it meant a lot to my friend, it means a lot to my clients and it sure means a hell of a lot to me.

On top of the emotions experienced from someone reaffirming that I am actually not terrible at my job, and that my words are of some degree of importance even if only to a few… it did get me thinking about sex worker contributions and interactions in sexwork/punting forums. You see, I come from a background of NZ forums where escorts have a lot more public interaction with their client base in forums. It can definitely be problematic but it firstly always served me well with my business but also gave some kind of solidarity to sex workers voices in these platforms. I do believe there is strength in numbers in these environments, where lets be honest, ‘sausage fest’ conversations can get pretty ugly. Can you imagine how hard it might be for someone in my friends situation, needing advice and encouragement regarding the sex industry, to get GOOD advice in an environment where sex workers cannot guide them? Yeah… exactly.

I don’t want to start repeating myself from my last blog, but isn’t it just beautiful that platforms used right can really reach people who need it? My RL friend has experienced real benefits from sex workers and all because he found an encouraging voice in what can really be a nerve wracking and intimidating industry to jump into. I'm a fiery Leo woman and a textbook only child so goodness knows I can be emotionally unbalanced, but these feels I have for our industry and all we have achieved are unweathered, and I'm incredibly proud to be here and to be reaching you in this moment. 'Dem feels!

(original posted on my personal blog).

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